This Is Where I Complain Some More About My Wife’s Piece Of Shit 2010 VW Tiguan

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I just had one of those exciting experiences where you get to drop over a grand just to get your stupid car running the way its supposed to, less than a week after I pissed away a similar amount to take care of the same problem, which worked for all of 45 minutes before dramatically shitting the bed anew. I know that you didn’t ask, but I’m going to bitch about my wife’s 2010 Volkswagen Tiguan now, so you best make peace with the idea.

I’ll clarify right off the bat that this article may violate a few fundamental rules we try to live up to here at The Autopian. We have something called the Double E Rule, for example, which means that everything we run should include elements that are both educational and entertaining. It’s a good rule, but I’ll be honest, I’m not sure if I’m going to meet it this time, because all I want to do right now is complain about this fucking car.

Some background on the car: I got it in 2020 knowing full well that this car’s 2-liter TSI turbo-four came with some significant known problems, but I bought it anyway because my wife really liked it, and I gave up my right to tell anyone what car they should drive for rational reasons years and years ago.

Seriously, this is an important point: I have five absolutely ridiculous cars I cram onto our property, so there is no way I’m going to tell Sally what she can or can’t drive. She really loves the interior of the Tiguan, which is, admittedly, comfortable and airy and attractive and a very pleasant space to be in. She likes the way the car looks and drives (you know, when it’s driving) and while these aren’t necessarily rational reasons, cars never have been and never will be fully rational, so I just need to do what I need to do to make sure she has something to drive that makes her happy.

Of course, that doesn’t negate my right to bitch about it here, to all of you, which is what I’m doing now.

So, I thought I fixed this engine’s big Achilles’ heel when I had the timing chain and its crappy tensioner replaced, after bending a bunch of valves, which also meant a new cylinder head. I thought from that point on, everything would be nice and smooth.

What I forgot was the detail about how instead of building an engine with an Achilles’ heel, VW seems to have decided it would just make more sense to take a massive amount of Achilles’ heels, liquify them, cast them into a solid block, and just form the engines out of that, so everyfuckingthing on this engine has the opportunity to be a horrible point of failure.

This time, the point of failure was the positive crankcase ventilation valve setup, which is one of the known failure points of the 2-liter TSI engine, and, like the timing chain problem, likes to fail suddenly, without warning, and cause a colossal shitshow cascade of problems.

Here’s a little video about this hunk of crap that’s bolted to the top of the engine from our pal the Humble Mechanic, who fixed my timing chain:

Essentially, one of the several failure prone little diaphragms made out of some Germanic joke-rubber failed in Sally’s car and as a result, caused huge vacuum leaks that made the car run like absolute crap, with all the smoothness, power, and refinement one would expect from an early 1900s agricultural hit-and-miss engine, but without the charm:

Honestly, that’s running smoother. If there was a nearby sawmill I could have stolen one from, I might have replaced her engine with one of these.

After it happened I replaced the PCV assembly and looked at the old one, and the rubber diaphragms in there were crumbly and felt like a slice of parmesan cheese so it was clear what happened. Here, look:

What was also clear was that my attempt to replace the PCV unit was an act of sad, misplaced optimism, because the damage was done, because the PCV is an unforgiving, cruel beast, and when it fails, the crankcase pressure goes all bonkers, and then seals start to get blown out, so you have oil leaks and more vacuum leaks and nobody is happy ever again.

So, I had a shop do a smoke test to see where the seals failed and the vacuum leaks were happening, and they found the bad seal on the brake vacuum pump, so they replaced the pump and gasket and put a better PCV valve on than the crap aftermarket one I got and we thought all was finally well.

About 30 minutes into the drive home, though, Sally called me and told me that all of a sudden everything was terrible again. Actually, even worse, as the car now had trouble even maintaining 45 mph or so.

Fuck.

We get it back to the shop, the car never even having made it home, and found that the rear main seal, which wasn’t showing any leaks prior, had failed, spraying oil and causing huge vacuum leaks and all that.

I wanted to be mad at the shop, but, really, I couldn’t. The seal tested fine, and while clearly it must have sustained some damage and been weakened, it was working and showing no damage, but only because the leak from the brake vacuum pump seal was so bad. So, when that was fixed, and engine crankcase pressures got to levels they’re supposed to be when everything is working, only then did the rear main seal have the dignity to fail, like it was somehow engineered to find the most expensive way to shit the bed.

Again, fuck.

Replacing the rear main seal is an ass-pain. You have to drop the transmission down and take out the flywheel to get to it and it’s a hard, laborious job.

Anyway, it’s fixed now, and Sally has her car back, and enjoyed driving it home and it finally feeling powerful and good, and this cruel VW’s siren-like hold over her has been re-established, clouding the cold, hard truth that the engine under that hood is a callow, devious machine designed to fling itself into disasters without warning and secretly mock you as your bank account gets depleted.

Sally’s not going to read this, and I don’t want any of you telling her about it, either. The damage is done. Let her enjoy her car, but between you and I, stay the hell away from these TSI engines. The cars they’re put into are charmers, enjoyable to drive and with great interiors, but all of that is bait.

These cars are angler fish, dangling their glowing lures of driving satisfaction so they can chomp into you with their bad timing chains and unforgiving PCV valves and whatever. Hell, these engines even have a Top 5 Fails video made just for them. No engine should have a Top 5 Fails video.

This engine was the reason I’ve advocated for the adoption of one industry-wide turbo inline-four engine, because for the vast majority of cases, nobody really cares about who makes the inline turbo-four engine as long as it makes around 200-250 horsepower and doesn’t break.

I just can’t understand how VW could make an engine that fails on such basic shit as crankcase ventilation or timing chains – aren’t those solved problems?

I’m going to stop myself. The damage is done, the money is gone, the engine is fixed. Sally has a car she really likes, and I can keep hoarding weird low-horsepower shitboxes, and the world turns as intended.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just wish that stupid TSI had been able to do the same.

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Mercedes Streeter

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111 thoughts on “This Is Where I Complain Some More About My Wife’s Piece Of Shit 2010 VW Tiguan”

  1. Years ago I bought a “clean” used 89 Merc 300SE.

    As I handed the money to the guy I actually said: “$3400 for a clean S class. How could I go wrong?”

    Yes, those words came out of my mouth. Yes, I did go wrong. So, so wrong.

    It’s ze Germans, man. Ze Germans.

  2. I argue that a third E rule, schadenfreude- a word with THREE e’s, no less, be applied as well. As long as the article evokes that special feeling where we get to sip coffee and bask in the feeling that we are not personally involved in a particular automotive clusterfuck, the article gets a pass.

    Luckily, this includes a solid 40% of Torch’s articles and nearly every word David writes.

  3. and this is why you only show your wife cars that you know will be reliable. haha. When my wife was done with her Chevy Equinox (I despised that car, and it’s seats were extremely uncomfortable to me. not to mention the lackluster interior materials and fitment), I showed her Rav4’s and CR-V’s. She landed on a 2015 Rav4 that is leaps and bounds better than the 2020 Equinox she used to have. No mechanical issues to date!

  4. I was a service advisor for many years before getting into auto parts. A BMW dealership I was working at let me go shortly after it was sold off to another owner. I took the job at BMW because as a lifelong BMW nut, I knew the cars better than most.

    Here was my post layoff though process…”Crap where will I work now? Who has an open service advisor’s position? I get paid partially on commission…Let’s check with the VW dealer first, those things break all the time!”

    1. I owned one. A 2009 Jetta GLI (basically a GTI drivetrain in a Jetta). It was glorious. The car looked like something a grownup would drive, the interior was great and it had enough power to be fun.

      It also went through 3 INTAKE MANIFOLDS in 5 years. That should not be a failure point, but VW found a way to make it one.

  6. That many major issues with a modern VW doesn’t surprise me a bit. After owning two (I wasn’t screwed *enough* by the 1st one) I’ll never buy another one.

    Had a 2002.5 VW GTI 24v VR6. Engine is one of the most reliable VW ever made, but still had to replace the coolant sensor (black tops bad, green ones good) and the MAF sensor twice (considered a wear item). The coilpacks went through 26(!) part revisions. All other engines with these same coil pack part number were recalled, but the 24v VR6 in MkIV GTIs were so low production numbers, mine were NOT recalled. I replaced all 6 at least twice. I replaced the front suspension bushing 7 times! The engine mount broke twice. Slave cylinder failed, bent a shift fork, etc. I bought the car for 15k, stopped counting repairs at 22k.

    Then I bought a 2008 VW R32. Then I had the DSG fail on me. 4 times. That’s AFTER the guts of all of them were replaced under recall as they ALL failed before 40k miles on all R32s.When mine failed the 4th time, VW corporate sent me a letter saying they know my car is under warranty, but they won’t fix it. So yeah, screw VW.

  7. My Granddaughter bought a 2018 Passat w/ low mileage (we secretly say that was because it spent so much time in the shop). She couldn’t afford the Jetta she really wanted. So, all the driving excitement and style of a Camry and reliability of a VW. I hope it won’t break her heart and wallet all at the same time.

  9. My wife has had a 2010 Jetta for over a decade and that baby still runs great. It drives great, too. The only bad thing about it is that the cabin is not quiet, lots of wind and road noise, but everything else is really fantastic and it’s even been reliable.

    I guess she got a unicorn.

  10. Jason,

    I, like you, am a long time VW owner. I’ve owned a 76 Westfalia, a 92 Golf, and now a 03 Jetta TDI. The first and only car I’ve ever bought new. For the record I also own a London taxi and a Ford Model A but I digress.

    I’ve now owned by Jetta TDI for 19 years and 245,000 km with absolutely no end in sight. For the record I love my Jetta. I love it’s fuel economy and it’s power, now that It’s been upgraded to the European spec 150hp and more than double the torque of a Subaru Impreza. But it has also been the most unreliable car I have ever owned and each year requires between $1,500 and $3,000 (CAD) per year to keep on the road.

    Let me give you a list of everything that I can remember has gone wrong outside of regular wear and tear items in approximate chronological order.

    2003-Faulty brake switch
    2004-Electric seats wanting to catch fire
    2005-A sun roof that likes to jam open (2005)
    2006, 2009, 2012, 2022- anti-roll bar failures.
    2012- failed temp sender
    2014-Engine runaway on the highway (I saved the engine and drove it home).
    2014-Turbo exploded
    2014-Replacement OEM clutch has juddered and squeaked from the day it was installed eight years ago.
    2015-Intercooler exploded
    2019-Replaced cracked motor mounts
    2020-Replacement mounts stripped their bolts and the engine fell out (engine was saved only by my stainless steel belly pan).
    2020- Cracked a CAT back stainless steel exhaust down pipe when engine fell out
    2021-2022-Loud rattling from the engine bay. Engine is so loud that mechanics couldn’t locate where the rattle was coming from. In the end a new serpentine belt tensioner, A/C compressor, and alternator were installed. Yes it was the alternator which I suggested to the mechanic in the first place.

    I estimate that I’ve spent at least $20,000 in repairs over the years and will absolutely never buy another VW. It seems that everything about this car has been designed to be as unnecessarily complicated and deliberately expensive to repair as possible.

    I love and hate my VW. A good friend of mine has described this car as an abusive relationship.

    1. Wow. I’m surprised you had that many issues. I had a MK IV golf tdi for 9 years and had minimal issues (clutch, fuse box, and ac clutch were the only non-maintenance items). It had 210k miles on it when I sold it.

      Your 2020 issues seem to all relate to the motor mount issue that wasn’t properly prepared. The 2021 is just a bad mechanic throwing parts at the car without really diagnosing the problem. It would be pretty easy to tell which of those is causing the noise…

  11. VW has not failed to design a fucking thing. This shit is intentional with them. It sells parts. My wife loved her VR6 Passat when it was working… Which never happened. Within a week of purchase it had had the anti-theft disabled by pulling wires out under the dash, jumpering the shit out of it and leaving the nest dangling. That was the dealership “fix”. The endless oil leak from the rear main waited until the first rain led to a splash warping the hot oil pan. That could either not be fixed, get a new seal that fixed nothing, or get a new pan that was good until the next rain. THIS IS PDX!!! By the time it was 3, the ABS system faulted because of moisture in connectors whenever it rained. ABS worked great in the summer though. Tits on a board. Then there was the pcv (they called it something else). I learned to spot it’s failure quickly by ear and replaced it several times before they stopped selling them without THE ENTIRE AIR intake housing attached for a couple Benji’s. The first time it pulled it’s French girlfriend act (“Non! FUCK YOU! Tonight you WALK!) while she was driving our baby my wife stopped thinking it was OK. She said she wanted an Audi. I said I’d stop shooting an Audi when I ran out of rounds. She’s had a couple RX 350s since, so there was a happy ending for both of us.

    1. Volkswagen has long been called Hitler’s revenge, with good reason. From the days of the Beetle and the squareback to current stuff, all have never failed to disappoint. Sadly, I feel all German cars suffer from such fragility. The aprocryophal story goes that “if the Germans invented the paper clip, it would have 7 moving parts and cost $5/ea”. And it would fail on the 3rd use.

    2. Wait, I’m not done. (Picture Lewis Black index finger crooked – “And Another Thing!”)
      The doors had … window switches that routinely failed and door locks… “power” door locks … powered by a vacuum pump?!? Because VW is the company that should sell cars with locks actuated by a series of tubes that pass from the body into doors and get flexed each time the door is used. And the BBS emblems in the wheels that I eventually started calling Lemming Logos because if no one was looking they’d jump.

  13. What the fuck kind of PCV valve is that? The one in my Miata is literally just a nugget that goes between the PCV hose and the valve cover. It has about one half of a moving part and costs $24 for a genuine OEM replacement, but you don’t need a replacement because it never breaks. How did Volkswagen manage to overcomplicate this so badly?

    1. Right? Not just VW, most major automakers eschewed the simple, easy to change PCV valve in exchange for an integrated “oil separator” housing with this bigass diaphragm thing. Bonus points go to Peugeot who made it part of the valve cover.

  14. Oh it gets better. The rear seal on these engines is a flat rubber washer that *is glued* to a stamped steel plate and bolted to the back of the block. So, not a seal as you might know it, but a *washer* that is pulled away from the steel bit when the crankcase pressure blows it off, because the *glue* is old and no longer trying to maintain the illusion that it is in fact a seal.

    I replaced mine with a fancy aftermarket version made from CNC aluminum with a proper seal pressed into it, so I have a fighting chance I won’t have to do this again when the PCV craps again.

  15. Jason,
    Your resident VW enthusiast/apologist here again. The hard fast rule is never buy a VW made after 99. I broke this rule with the plan that the 1.8t blows up so I can swap in a vr6. I don’t know why VW can’t build a gas powered turbo 4 but they just suck at it.
    To echo other statements here my other turbo 4 powered VAG product was a b5 a4 1.8tqm avant, when it ran right for all of two weeks I owned it, it was among the top 5 cars I’ve ever owned. When it was broken for the other 2 years I owned it I hated the damn thing and spent 3x what I bought it for just to sell it and break even.
    Happy wife happy life, no matter the cost.
    Yours in the VW struggle,
    Tommy

    1. I owned a B5 A4 1.8tqm as my first car and it was reliably in the shop exactly once a year, always for a relatively large repair. But oddly enough, never for the engine. The closest it got was needing a new radiator. I recently had a leftover Carfax report so I ran the VIN: the damn thing is still on the road at nearly 300K miles. Of course, this was a ’98, so it misses your “no VAG after 99” rule by a year.

      Currently I just bought a B5.5 Passat 1.8t 4motion 5mt wagon–spending a good chunk to get the engine back to good condition and assuming I’ll spend plenty more to keep it on the road. But it cost me less than scrap price to buy in the first place, so I’ve got some time before it begins to really feel like an awful financial decision. Even running a little ragged it such a nice car, and I’m both anxious and excited to get back into this B5 money pit life.

      1. You may be the same kinda stupid I am, we are friends now. You also managed to find one of the harder to find b5s after the w8 manual 4mo wagons so kudos on that.
        My avant needed a clutch, full control arms and then a turbo. All of which are 1k or better at the local shop and for my newly graduated working for non-profits making nothing ass it was killing me. Hard to drop 1500 bucks on a car when that is most of your monthly take home.
        You would think I learned a lesson from all that but no, I did not. But at this point I kinda like the pain. I mean I am a browns fan, married a ginger and I keep buying water-cooled vws.
        Also, friend of mine has a b6 a4 1.8tqm and he has it up over 350k now, but he has also spent at least sticker on maintenance over the years.

  16. My Volkswagen saga…

    Bought the wife a 2003 Passat. She loved the comfort features. I liked the reinforced body, decent mileage, and spunky engine. It was also nice that the dealership was only about seven blocks from the house.

    Eight years, eight recalls, about $4k in non-warranty repairs, one broken sunroof repair ($1200) that never got made, and who knows how many $50 replacement wiper blades later, the wife decided she didn’t like the comfort features that much. I no longer gave a damn about the reinforced body, mileage, or spunky engine. And I was never happier to take a dealer’s lowball trade-in offer to get rid of that POS.

    And I’ve never considered another VW since.

    The end.

  18. This article is extremely educational. Always keep your wife happy with her choice of car. Especially when your ownership includes a yugo and a chang-li.

  19. After seeing many of my coworkers go broke trying to fix their VWs, the lesson somehow stuck with me.

    Back in the early and mid 2000s I worked with several recent college grads of the female persuasion. I called them the Jetta Junketts. They loved their cute Jettas. After the cars hit about 40K (miles, not repair costs), it seemed like every month or two one or more of the pool of 6 cars was in the shop for whatever combos or repairs added up to no less than $600 dollars. Oil leaks, misfires, blown seals, etc. Eventually, after having accumulated repair bills nearly as high as the value of the cars themselves, one of the women bought a Toyota. Within 1 year, all of them owned new (or new to them) Toyota or Honda vehicles. Hardly a repair was mentioned for years afterward.

    There was this one women with a basic as you can get Jetta that drove it like a demon and only got the oil changed when the low pressure light came on. Only got the brakes done when they got so bad she couldn’t stop in a straight line well (RIP pads and rotors and one caliper) and we finally convinced her that if we could hear her pull into the parking lot from the break room, they needed to be fixed. That damn car lasted to over 140K miles without major failure. When she sold it, EVERYTHING was worn out, but it still moved under it’s own power.

    1. Well, she likes it and her husband makes sure that it gets fixed when it breaks. Also her husband has an absolutely ridiculous stable of vehicles, so if he looks like he’s about to complain all she has to do is point in the general direction of the garage. As long as they can afford the repairs, I don’t see how this is her problem.

  21. Stories like this make me glad our one nice car is a Mazda. In 5 years and 47000 miles it has only been in the shop for planned maintenance.

  23. At least your PCV valve is accessible. I changed mine on my 2012 JKU with the 3.6 Pentastar. Even after using a miniature bit wrench (for the torx bit) with the 1.01″ of accessibility behind the passenger side valve cover and firewall, I still had to use a mini hacksaw on the nipple so it would clear. It was also a PITA to install.

    I did this during a valve rocker and lifter replacement and it was possibly the hardest part of the service.

    Here’s a video that shows how terrible it is:

    https://youtu.be/_NSpbpcvLGU

  24. Well we’ll well, hoisted on your own John Luc Picard as they say. First educational needs a poll. What was worse giving women the right to vote or the right to drive? Yeah if we had negative votes I’d be #1 but hey I’m just saying. Entertainment Justin just because you don’t find it entertaining doesn’t mean the readers aren’t laughing at you, oops with you, oops yeah at you. Dave Tracy’s significant other never laughs at him. Yeah the Jeep.

  25. Oh, man…I feel your pain. I had to learn my TSI lesson three times before running to the warm, welcoming embrace of Japanese engines.

    VW: Great to Drive, Terrible to Own.

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