Who likes honesty? Nobody? Too bad! So, tomorrow morning really early I’m heading out to Los Angeles for our big LA Auto Show Extravaganza. All this past week and weekend we’ve been scrambling to get things done, and I’ve had to make a bunch of big wall art and there’s still so much more to do. And I really should do another post. But I’m kind of exhausted, which may be why my addled mind dragged up a strange memory of an oddly morose French animated film, and the peculiarly mutated Citroën 2CVs driven by the bad guys (méchants, as the French would say, or at least as my computer thinks the French would say). I looked it up, and the movie I barely remembered was called The Triplets of Bellville, from 20 years ago! Holy crap. Anyway, I found the Citroëns, and I think they’re weird enough to talk about, a bit.
The movie is actually animated in a really lovely way, full of odd exaggerations of scale and proportion, but wildly detailed. IMCDB of course has the full list, but you can see some examples here, like Fiat 500s and Renault 4CVs and Citroën H-vans and BMW 502s and tons more.
But, like I said, the cars that stuck in my head were the Citroën 2CVs driven by the gangsters, all identical and all very strangely distorted. Here’s the big car chase scene with them, where they don’t really fare too well at all:
See those things! They’re bonkers! Look:
Simply choosing a 2CV for the bad-guy car is an unexpected choice, as they’re almost always associated with friendliness and humbleness and being somewhat comical – the idea of a sinister, imposing Deux Chaveaux is a hard thing to wrap your head around. And that could be why the car is so mutated, with that impossibly long hood, stretched from behind the front fenders to the A-pillar of the cabin.
Now, this sort of hood implies a huge engine; if the regular 2CV had two opposed cylinders, this thing must be a flat-20, at least, right? This should be a 20CV! But then when you think about a 2CV’s engine, you may recall that it’s mounted ahead of the front axle, which it drives. If you were to extend it and keep the front-drive layout, it would have to extend in front of the front axle, not behind it. I mean, if you want to see what a 2CV drivetrain normally looks like, I can certainly show you:
See what I mean? So what kind of engine is going on under that long hood? Thankfully, the movie shows us exactly what is going on:
Nothing. Or, rather, almost nothing. These Gangster 2CVs have the same flat-twin engine way up front, and then just incredibly long steering columns and gearshift shafts to fill all that space.
It does appear that the battery is still close to the firewall, though,
This makes me love these absurd cars even more, because it reveals that it’s all for show, a bit of theater, a scam, and these 2CVs are just as slow as normal ones. Well, probably slower, because of the extra weight, and definitely more cumbersome to maneuver, as that chase showed. There’s zero good reason for them to be like that, except for the look, which certainly is striking.
I wonder if they can use any of that space for extra luggage?
They’re early 2CVs, too, with ripple-bonnets and all-canvas trunk lids. The Latin “IN VINO VERITAS” license plate (it means, you know, drunk people tell the truth) must have some significance I can’t recall, too.
Damn. This is the Frenchest French thing I’ve ever Frenched on here.
That Edward G. Robinson-looking baby is going to haunt my dreams. Thanks for that.
Next up in Very French Car Movies:
Jean-Luc Godard‘s Weekend.
Love that movie, there was a restaurant in park slope that used it as a theme.
Fantastic Movie.
Parts of this move are maybe even sadder than the beginning of Up.
If you have ever had a little old Grandmother who would give you the world, and at the same time, could rip the still beating heart out of anyone who would harm their grandchild, you will cry at this movie.
Also, Belleville Rendez-vous is a killer tune…
Agree. And the car is an obvious phallic joke.
Have you seen the live version?
https://youtu.be/3w6IAXW3qe8?si=maGFPS_nSi86cEBx
This is a fantastic film and as you say, very french.
Though I think it’s Canadian.
I always felt it was very Quebecois, making vicious fun of the French and Americans.
It’s not. Writer/Director is French.
It was an international joint venture by several French companies, the BBC, and Belgian-based Vivi Film, with 3 co-producers (one French, one Canadian, one Belgian).
Excellent A coup!e niggles.
* “les méchants” is indeed correct, though a little childish. That said I can’t think of anything more adultish. I guess it’s like ” the bad guys” except a little more on the kids’ side of the lexicon. Maybe “the baddies” would be a good equivalent?
* “Deux Chaveaux”should be “deux chevaux”
* “2CV” means “two steam horses” (C-hevaux V-apeur) I.e. horsepower, BUT in this instance it’s the power rating for tax and registration purposes, not the actual power made by the engine. Obviously even a 2CV makes more than 2 bhp.
Fun fact: “deux chevaux” is commonly abbreviated to “deuche” (pronounced “dush” (rhymes with “rush” not “tush”).
My 2CV was a late one with the big 602cc engine.
It made 29bhp.
Incredible
Anyone else notice the incredibly dense baby in the carriage? So dense that the baddie’s car stopped dead with a smashed front?
That’s a dark & somewhat disturbing piece to watch at stupid-dark-thirty this morning. Made me check whether I still have a fever…nope: I get to go to work. Yay: tired of shivering in bed & coughing up nasty crap!
I have to watch this now just to know why they’re driving a body-less looooong wheelbase 2CV, because a cod piece 2CV wasn’t odd enough.
It looks like we’re all on the same page.It’s incredibly bizarre but awesome
This was such a wonderful and absolutely surreal movie, and definitely up there for animated movies for me. I highly recommend checking out Ernest and Celestine as well, for the strange panel van that makes an important part of the story. And, if you’re up for an even weirder musical than Triplets of Belleville, somehow, that covers society impacted by cars. The Suicide Shop is fantastic, weird as hell, and an interesting exploration of a near future society in the grips of severe climate change.
That was a great and strange movie. I can still almost hear that ‘appliance” musical number.
The cars though, are absolutely beautiful, if odd. thanks for reminding us of them 🙂
Why does it strangely look like The Ambiguously Gay Duos vehicle?
Came here to say that!
Google the album art work for this:
“For Ladies Only” by Steppenwolf. Sort of changes the whole equation.
Too bad about the reflection right at the front: no chance to see any emblem.
but, thanks for posting this: I didn’t know they ever ventured into prog rock at all. Black Pit feels like a good driving song. I love me some B3 while cruising
Wasn’t that thing on sale or something?
*asking for a friend*
Reminds me of the car that the Ambiguously Gay Duo drove.
I guess I’m in the minority because I loved this movie, because it was so weird and different than any other animated movie at the time it came out and pretty much since (except the Illusionist, by most of the same people who did this one). I even went to a showing of it where the music composer put on a concert of the music as the movie was playing. Anyway, I was absolutely not expecting to see a Torch article about this film but it makes sense, and it is hilarious how they “enhanced” the 2CV and thanks for putting a smile on my face this evening.
The day Torch gets around to watching Jacques Tati’s “Trafic” we will be regaled with weeks and weeks of content.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069400/
With respect i disagree.That’s just weak slapstick
It depends how many psychotropics you’re on.
It is an uneven movie for sure, but for car spotting, especially of the oddball variety, it is unparalleled. What other film has an entire scene involving a real life DAF cross section display?
Mercedes could write about “Mr Hulot’s Holiday” too.
Now that’s a Gallic nose!
I hated this movie so much when it came out. Might be interesting to revisit it now.
The Triplets of Bellville is the most delightfully weird, unabashedly French film I’ve ever seen. I can’t say that I loved it, but I respected the commitment to weirdness and sly, dark, absurd humor. And all the cars and bikes were absolutely fantastic, as an added cherry on top. The people who made this clearly loved and respected mechanical motivation of all kinds. I think everyone should watch this at least once just to experience it.
I couldn’t have said the very same thing even half as concisely, so: seconded! 🙂
Hear hear!
Now Torch needs to do a write up on the cars from “Amelie” and “The Red Ballon”.
Also, the French movie “Diva” has awesome cars.
Yeah, and it has arguably one of the best ‘bad guys’ (méchants) cars in cinema, especially since it’s a car that can be either positively charming or absolutely sinister depending on context and who’s driving it: http://imcdb.org/i068249.jpg
With a thrilling moped chase!
Have you ever seen any of Quentin Dupieux’s films? Now that’s some delightfully weird French filmmaking
I have not – but thanks for the tip! Most of the non-US films I have seen and enjoy are German, Italian and Spanish – I actually haven’t seen that many French films.