There’s no law that says only sunsets or vast desert vistas or the view of Earth from space have a monopoly on the concept of “breathtaking.” True, lung-emptying perfection can crop up almost anywhere, even in places where it seems the most unlikely. Like a strip mall driving school in Lakewood, Colorado. That’s where that picture you see above you came from, and it’s a real, un-altered photograph taken by the Lakewood Police Department. It’s like the hyperintelligent spiders that I assume control the universe decided that an ideal illustration of the concept of “irony” was needed, so they pulled the levers and rotated the knobs and pushed the buttons to make just that happen. And here it is. And it is absolutely glorious.
Thankfully there was only one minor injury. Several people were able to dive out of harms way. The driver, an instructor at the business, was cited for a traffic violation. pic.twitter.com/tJcWTWqfmO
— Lakewood Police Dept. (@LakewoodPDCO) August 8, 2023
I like how a pair of passing airplanes left contrails that formed a giant X over the scene, to let everyone know the exact spot where perfection was achieved.
First, I should say that nobody was seriously hurt here, so we can appreciate this magic guilt-free. The crash happened at the Community Driving School on Tuesday morning, and, incredibly, the driver of that Hyundai Tucson was a driving instructor employed by the driving school, as is noted in that Tweet from the Lakewood Police Department. Well, a new driving instructor, coming in for their second day of training, when they somehow managed to violate what I personally feel is one of the top three rules of good driving: don’t crash into any buildings.
A Denver 7 story about the fate of the driving instructor consulted the owner of the business, Steve Rohman, and explains things with a really admirable amount of deadpan restraint:
“Rohman said the driver is no longer employed at Community Driving School.”
I dearly, dearly hope that there was an exit interview, and the ex-instructor asked “other than driving through the front of the building in my personal car, can you please give me some reason why you’re letting me go?” I’m sorry this person lost their job that they just got – that’s always a difficult thing – but perhaps this is a sign that another line of work may allow them to thrive more? Besides, look at the result of this job loss: a perfect image was created! Who among us can say they had a hand in achieving perfection of any sort?
It’s such a perfect picture. How can this exist? Maybe we are in a simulation after all? How was this not planned? And it was a driving instructor? It’s all just too much. Why am I writing this up? They should have sent a poet!
This has got to be some kind of Dunning-Kruger situation where a terrible driver careening through the world thought to themselves: “Look at all these stupid drivers! I’m getting in a near-miss multiple times per day. I could really teach these folks a thing or two…”
“…one of the top three rules of good driving: don’t crash into any buildings.“
That’s one of the first three rules of barely adequate driving.
I meet loads of people who say they are good drivers because they have never crashed a car. That’s like me saying I’m a good guitarist because I’ve never smashed a guitar.
Being good at something isn’t the same as not being terrible at it.
Yeah well when maybe 50% of people have crashed a car in their life, not being terrible at driving does make you above average.
I watch F1. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a direct correlation between driving skill and not crashing.
Just hang a banner under the sign that reads “Better than us” and call it a publicity stunt.
Sorry but I had 2 tickets for driving without a license before age 15. But could handle a car like Jim Rockford on mushrooms. We had Driver’s Ed in high school. In the mountains of Colorado. The teacher let me “teach” power slides, skids, 180’s and 360’s in the school parking lot in a brand new 74 LTD. It was fun in the snow, but on dry pavement is how I learned to flat spot tires. (not just a racing thing) The principle was not amused.
God I miss those old days.
“And for my next trick, thru the chain drive car wash backwards in park.”
Seriously, we all fuck up now and then, just usually not this bad.
When I was 17 I woke up a senior citizen couple by driving my AMC Hornet wagon into their bedroom at 7:30 on Christmas morning. They never even came out to yell at me! But the fucking cop gave me a ticket anyway. I think he smelled the weed. But I ate the joint before he got there.
Shit happens.
Good times.
Film at 11:00
Noodle salad.
I had a driving instructor that lost a car off the end of a pier once. He was trying to show us how to chande a tire and left the car in neutral without the break on. When he tried to break the lug nuts loos, the thing started rolling. Right down the hill, and off the pier. His alternate i structor had to come pick us up. And no, he did not get fired, he owned the company so. . .
Terrible driving school if they didn’t teach you how to spell brake
That made me chuckle so much its embarrassing ????
Why do those question marks happen on their own?
This web site has Tourette’s syndrome.
Cut to last week, smoking copious amounts of weed:
Jimmy: Hey hey guys, I just thought of the funniest thing in the world
Narrator: Little did Jimmy’s friends know: he had, actually, thought of the funniest thing in the world
Must have misread that sign and thought that drive-in drive tests were also permitted.
Oh that Star-burns!
“Let me tell you how I lost my job at a driving school.” A beer-worthy story for the rest of their days. My older sister drove the family car through an ice cream store window. At least she didn’t work there.
George Bernard Shaw was right after all.
“Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.”
Then what is this guy going to do???
Based on the way people drive these days, this business may have been very successful
Baskin Robbins always finds out.
This is peak internet. We should collectively log off, go interact with some real people, and maybe read a book or two.
You first.
Yeah, we’re all right behind you.
Though this is probably way ancient in a lot of ways, glad to see it wasn’t an Audi or another European make, and that we (the general public I mean) now chalk these events up to bad drivers, not a supposedly bad car.
Maybe his tires were 1.5 PSI off
Maybe the guy got the job for the employee discount?
Being a Denver resident, I can tell you this explains a lot. I’m also pretty sure I saw one of their cars, aptly labeled on the back “Learn to Drive Denver”, cut me off during rush hour downtown and then proceed to nearly mow down a pedestrian on a left turn.
We will no longer be needing your driving instruction services at our school, Mr. Squarepants.
“There’s no such thing as bad publicity, as long as they spell your name right”.
-P.T. Barnum-
Well there it is, bad publicity.
I’m guessing this is the exception that proves the rule.
I heard Tesla’s hiring test drivers.
Ok I gotta ask, what are the other two rules?
“Never bet against Arthur Fonzarelli when pink slips are on the line”
The obvious answer is dont harm people or animals, but i’m hoping Jason can come up with something amusing
2. Auto pilot does NOT mean you are free to move about the cabin…
3. Despite what you may have read or heard… hitting pedestrians are Not worth “points” & hitting agile Dodgeville aged children are Not worth double points
Despite his efforts, the establishment resisted the installation of a drive-thru.
As a CO driver’s ed teacher, the prospective instructor dodged a bullet, if not a building – the DMV’s driver ed compliance division’s recordkeeping requirements are a nightmare here.
Roses are red,
The wall is blue,
A guy lost his job,
When he drove through.
Roses are red,
Hyundais are fast,
To learn how to drive,
Learn not to crash.
Roses are red,
Hyundais are fast
Drive like this,
You won’t last.
Roses are read
This Hyundai wasn’t
It was driven by the product
Of two first cousins
Roses are red,
Buildings have bricks,
Check the brakes on your Hyundai,
Or eat a bowl of…
Roses are red,
This Hyundai isn’t,
Some poems rhyme,
Some don’t.
Holy hell this was a good one, the whole got dang article, from headline to my shiity comment.
Aw, so this particular comment is chopped liver I guess.