Today, A Puppy: Cold Start

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Here we go, everyone, I’m going to take the easy road to clicks and happiness by posting a puppy, a fuzzy, goofy, sweet, ridiculous puppy, right here on the front page of the site. Everyone meet Juno, the new rescue puppy that’s joined the other four non-primate animals at the Torch Compound! She’s part Husky and part Australian Shepherd, we think, and she was taken from a backyard breeder, all filthy and surrounded by at least a dozen other dogs in a big muddy yard. But now she’s here, living large and bothering the three cats and the three-legged elder matron dog, Abby.

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Look, if David gets to post pictures of his adorable kittens, then that’s declaration of an arms race so this is my proportional response C as in cute bomb: a fuzzy puppy. She’s dopey now, but both the breeds that are in her makeup are notoriously smart, so she’ll likely be able to open cabinets and cause all kinds of smart-dog havoc soon. And she’s learning all the basics pretty fast. The goal is to have her doing my taxes by the time she’s two.

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Look, she’s bringing me a wrench! A stuffed wrench that’s only like 14% worse than some of the wrenches I’ve ordered from Wish.com.

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I made sure to include my car in these pictures so this can still ostensibly be a car-related post. That is definitely a car in that shot, and, look, there’s even the Autopian badge, which you can get if you become a member! I couldn’t put it on my grille because the A/C condenser is like two atoms away from the back of the grille, so there was no room for the threaded bolts.

Oh, and if you’re curious, we named her Juno because we have a cat named Neptune, and I kind of like old god names for pets. It feels like the sort of name a steam car pioneering inventor might name their dog in 1871.

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Mercedes Streeter

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66 thoughts on “Today, A Puppy: Cold Start”

  1. She’s adorable! Hopefully, you have a strongly fenced yard because she is gonna be a runner! Also, consider getting her a pet treadmill and get her trained on it. Tons of vids online about folks who do it. Either that or you are gonna have to train yourself to run a 5K every day, lol.

    1. Aston Martin Bulldog. Ummm, Ferrari Berlinetta Boxer? Dogs are definitely way under-represented. Really, pickup trucks should have dog names. The Ram Mastiff, Ford Retriever.etc.

      1. I’ve always believed several dog names would be perfect for cars. Labrador would be a great name for a regular sedan/hatchback/well-designed budget crossover. Vizsla would be a good name for a sports car. There are loads of dog breed stereotypes that would give positive associations to particular car types, and you’d get a ton of dog owners wanting to buy one. Especially if you could include a dealer-added custom nametag somewhere on the vehicle to personalize it.

  6. Adorable, but you better give her a job ASAP. If she’s anything like my wife’s blind and deaf ausie, or my old huskie she will need something constructive to do or she will fine something destructive to do. The blind ausie tries to herd the goats and horses but has no idea where they are or where she’s trying to put them, and my huskie had a cart that I used to load with firewood to take to the little old lady down the road to heat her house with. Give her a job and she’ll be great, don’t give her a job and you’ll wish you had.

    1. My great dane is named Apollo, and he does a good job of dragging my son around the yard while he hunts the little flocks of birds, and one of my wife’s cats is named Loki and that seems apt as he likes to pounce on Apollo out of the blue just for the chaos.

    2. My friend had a Great Dane named Thor, and he was the most regal and confident dog I’ve ever seen. Never even bothered to bark, really. Just walked around with his head held high like he owned the place (because he basically did).

  12. I don’t usually take sides in conflicts I’m not personally vested in, politics, sports, religion, but I can wholeheartedly get behind team Puptopian, may the Catopian wretches feel the scourge of a tail in the face as they line up for numnums.

  13. It’s Catopian versus Puptopian in the ultimate struggle for dominance.

    As someone who adopted a random mixed breed puppy who was born under an abandoned trailer last year, I strongly approve of your new doggo. We initially thought Zeus was a blackmouth cur until the DNA results came back. It turns out he’s such a mutt that the various characteristics only make him look like a near purebred dog. Instead, he’s about 25% German Sheppard with single digit sprinklings of various hounds, lab, and Parson Russel terrier.

  17. I’m picturing an Anchorman-style brawl in which the various pet factions struggle for dominance. 😀

    Despite the connection to the old gods, I think we need to say ixnay on the ident-tray unless there’s a Maserati involved. And possibly even then.

  18. Congrats on the new dog! We have a 12 year old Border Collie and Husky mix who just so happens to be North Carolina too. I’m much more in on Dogtopian than Catopian, but really I’m here for all of it!

  22. What a good girl! Milk as many furry friend posts for traffic as you’d like, I will gladly click and comment on all of them. Also hang in there, as cute and fuzzy as they are puppies are a goddamn nightmare. My wife and my doodle (wasn’t my first choice and no I don’t think the doodle-fication of seemingly every breed is okay, my wife just has crippling allergies) is coming up on 3 and he’s just now starting to settle down a bit. My parents have made a habit of getting 2-3 year old dogs and I’m starting to think it’s a good strategic move.

    1. I’m 100% with you. We got a Borador (border collie, lab mix) 5 years ago and he ruined us for puppies. He’s almost 6 and still bat shit crazy. He’s a great dog and we love him like crazy, but man he’s a bit much sometime. Thank God for doggy day care.

      1. Well shit. We adopted a Lab/Rotweiller mix almost 2 years ago. The little shit has destroyed so much shit I have just given up on trying to repair the damage.
        The little fucker has chewed the windowsills off in living room.
        Chewed the corners off 5 different walls, literally.
        Ate my iPhone.
        Chewed the valve stems off my car.
        My wife passed away when this mutt was 10 months old. And left me to raise this asshole.
        Literally ripped the wood trim off from the back door and ate it too.
        Ate my comb and shit out black plastic pieces for 3 days.

        Must be Karma at work here.

        1. You must have your vet on speed dial
          and I apologize for making light of your woes, but my mental picture of your dog positioning his face such that his jowls flapped in the airstream from your rapidly-deflating tires honestly made me laugh.

          sorry—can’t help it

          1. Not a problem, it’s always funny when it happens to the other guy.
            You should have been here when she ate a whole roll of toilet paper while I slept one night. It took a week for all that stuff to come out, no kidding.

            1. I’m completely in sympathy with you over pets eating inappropriate stuff. The cost is bad enough, but the helpless worry can tear you apart.

              Most people don’t know that ferrets cannot resist foam rubber. It’s funny when your ‘ret is bounding down the hall trailing beer from the can in the coozie it chomped. Less funny is the poor thing unable to poop the next day and the attendant vet visit

  23. So adorable! I’m in favor of more puppy/kitty content 🙂
    Yeah, with an Aussie/Husky mix, she’s gonna be learning to wrench in no time. They’re wicked smaht.

  25. Adorable. We rescued a “mini” aussie from a bad breeder that was mistreating them about a year ago. That “mini” aussie is now 71lbs, so I guess we got more than we bargained for.

    10/10 good dog would pet

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