Tops Of The Heaps: Olds Cutlass vs Lincoln MkVII vs Nissan 300ZX vs Mercedes 500SEL

Sbsd 8 25 2023
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Happy Friday, Autopians! We’ve reached the end of another one. Today, I’m taking the easy way out and making this a straight four-way shootout of the week’s winners. Sometimes the old ways are the best ways. You already know, from the photo collage above, which car won yesterday’s Benz battle, but just for the sake of completeness, here are the results:

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Ol’ Blue wins it by a narrow margin. That would be my choice, too; in fact, if I were looking for an old Mercedes, the W126 is where I’d start. Not the coupes, though; they give off too much of a Miami Vice bad guy vibe. But a nice V8 SEL like that? Oh yeah.

So now that we have our foursome, let’s recap:

1992 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme convertible

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Pros: Rare and cool version of the W-body, clean exterior, easy to work on

Cons: Lazy seller who lost the keys, unknown mechanical condition

Monday was a long time ago, so to refresh your memory: This Cutlass is for sale from an estate in Texas. It’s described in the ad as being in “like new” condition, but the best I’d give it is “pretty damn good” outside, and “acceptable” inside. We have no idea about its mechanical condition, because they couldn’t find the keys, and couldn’t be bothered to have new ones cut. And with all that, they’re still asking four grand.

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But what that means is that buyers aren’t exactly lining up for this thing. Talk to the seller, see if they’ll call a locksmith, bring a couple gallons of fresh gas and a new battery, see if it will fire up. Then make a reasonable offer. It could be a nice runabout, for the right price.

1988 Lincoln Mark VII LSC

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Pros: Great runner, lots of stuff replaced recently, really nice car

Cons: That top, and those windows

I still can’t get past the hideous fake convertible top on this thing, but apparently a lot of you aren’t as bothered by it as I am. The red window tint is horrible too, and I don’t know what possesses anyone to put the name or logo of the car across the back window in giant vinyl letters. I mean, mechanically it sounds fine, and I know the tint and the vinyl can be removed without much trouble, but it still has that dumbass roof.

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Or maybe I’m making too much of it. As one commenter pointed out, you can’t see the top from the driver’s seat anyway. And underneath it all, it’s a Fox-body Ford with a 302 V8 – basically a blank canvas for those with an inclination towards hot-rodding. Or leave it stock, and just enjoy having a comfy car that makes V8 noises.

1984 Nissan 300ZX 2+2

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Pros: Massive amount of work done, excellent shape mechanically, signed by a rock star

Cons: Salvage title, cosmetically only so-so

This doorstop-shaped Nissan has had quite a history, all recounted in first-person in a very clever Craigslist ad. It was wrecked early on, badly enough to be totaled out, and rebuilt with T-tops and a salvage title. It then sat in a warehouse for a decade, before being bought by a young mechanic who showered it with love and new parts. To top it all off, it has had a celebrity encounter with rock star Les Claypool.

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The only thing that worries me is that this car’s stereo is going to make everything sound like Primus, full of two-handed tapping bass lines, wailing guitars, and weird time signatures. Could be worse, I suppose – it could have been signed by a member of Nickelback.

1985 Mercedes-Benz 500SEL

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Pros: Bona-fide classic Benz, low miles, solid runner

Cons: Needs brakes, dirty, looks uncared-for

Here it is, the one, the only, possibly the pinnacle of Mercedes-Benz luxury sedans: the W126-chassis 500SEL. Once beloved of entertainment lawyers and third-world despots alike, this triumph of engineering is now available to the rest of us, through the magic of depreciation. This one has seen better days, but there’s a good chance that in the right hands, it could rise again, like a big blue phoenix.

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It already runs fine, and it’s in better shape than it looks – it’s just dirty. Sure, it needs brakes, but brakes are easy. You can probably double the miles on the odometer after you take care of that.

So that’s our week of unusual roofs; I hope you enjoyed it. Next week, we’ll be looking at… well, I don’t know yet, but it’ll be something great. And crappy. Because that’s what we do here. Vote for your favorite, and I’ll see you all on Monday!

(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)

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41 thoughts on “Tops Of The Heaps: Olds Cutlass vs Lincoln MkVII vs Nissan 300ZX vs Mercedes 500SEL

  1. i just watched the Tokyo Vice tv series, so I have a renewed love for Nissan Z cars a bit newer than the legendary and beautiful short wheelbase 240. Also livd 5 years with my Figaro now so ready to move on to some other cool old Nissan cars.

  2. I prefer this Friday style weekly shootout. In fact, I’d love to see a bracket style shootout at the end of the year. Best of the month, best of the year.

    That being said, as much as I love a Z if I’m going to be punished with a second row and automatic I’ll go with the Olds.

    1. No, that’s a carriage top. Landau tops are from the B-pillars back, covered in padded vinyl. This has ridges in it to simulate convertible top bows, and similar fabric to a soft top, with no padding.

  3. Based on early returns, I may be alone in cross-shopping the Benz and the ‘bile. I wouldn’t even look at the other two. I’d probably get bored with the Cutlass, while the W126 could serve as a long term ride, so that’s what got my vote.

    1. Agreed, was a tough choice between the Olds’ and Benz’. Benz’ won out as it is the only one I think would make it through WWIII and still work.

  4. I’ll go Lincoln. 302 can be modified. Should be a nice cruiser. The roof on this one doesn’t bother me as much as others. Thinking the white cars with a black cloth/vinyl roof…yuck.

    I’d love to vote Cutlass, but wish it had the factory wheels and seems to have a shithead owner.

  5. The Olds. I hate these things, so if turns out it won’t run, I can gleefully put it to the torch. Or maybe I’ll ask Jason to borrow his taillights and fins customizing book, which, I suppose, still involves some kind of Torch.

  6. I came really close to voting Lincoln, but am feeling like louvres and T-tops today. Ask me again in 10 minutes and my answer might be different.

  7. Have to wonder how much of a chore it would be to peel off the Lincoln’s lid….The logo and window tints shouldn’t be that difficult.

    Underneath, you have what looks to be a decent ride. Which is what the Mark was, at least originally. So I’d go with that. I could service most of the mechanicals, at least.

    The Benz also seem to be a decent deal. My only question is whether it has had enough maintenance to keep it on the road for a while. The S-Class cars take up a lot more space than I like, but hey, it’s a M-B.

    Olds and Nissan, no. Don’t like either one, and I’m dim enough that Les Claypool’s signature doesn’t offset the salvage title and general ungainly appearance of the 2+2.

    1. It’s a chore to get rid of those carriage tops. I looked into it when I had a similarly-afflicted Caddy. It’s a fiberglass shell glued to the car’s roof. You’d need to remove the shell, clean off the glue, probably fill some rivet holes for trim around the edges, repaint the whole roof (or maybe the whole car, if you really want it to match), and find all the rear window trim from a slick-top MkVII. And I imagine this car’s sunroof adds a layer of complexity to all of that.

  8. Not the coupes, though; they give off too much of a Miami Vice bad guy vibe. 

    Why on Earth is that a bad thing?!?!?!?

    Gimme a 560 SEC, full AMG body kit, body-colored 5-spoke AMG wheels in a super-metallic ice-blue. Gimme that cocaine cowboy lifestyle!!! (minus the actual smuggling and associated violence, of course).

      1. Track 1 – “In the Air Tonight” Phil Collins
        Track 2 – “Crocket’s Theme” Jan Hammer
        Track 3 – “Smuggler’s Blues” Glen Frey
        Track 4 – “Lover” Roxy Music
        Track 5 – “Heartbeat” Don Johnson
        Track 6 – “Bad to the Bone” George Thorogood
        Track 7 – “I Want to Know What Love Is” Foreigner
        Track 8 – “Turn Up the Radio” Autograph

  9. I’m voting for the Lincoln, my only winner this week. It’s not just out of spite. This Mark VII in terrific shape and will be dead easy to keep that way. The Ford 5.0 is fine as is, but you can get freaky with aftermarket parts and turn this early bird special cruiser into an amazing sleeper. Think of the shocked looks on people’s faces when they see Grandpa’s old car light up its tires when the light turns green.

    1. Wholeheartedly agree, it was my vote as well. I have experience with the FI 302 of this vintage and they are easy to keep running with routine maintenance, no real worries on the rest of the stock drivetrain either.

  10. I’d take the Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark Mark.

    Ugly, sure, but the 302 section in the Summit Racing catalog and then smokin’ people at stoplights in an orthotics special has appeal to me.

  11. The Lincoln seems to be the Goldilocks of the group IMO. Other than some elements like the red-tinted tint and the top (which I don’t like either, but doesn’t feel out of place here either to me), it seems to be the best mix of condition, history, and desirability at least relative to its mission.

    The MB would probably most desirable and I’d have put that first, but doesn’t look as cared for and needs brakes.
    The Z has gotten a lot of work done to freshen it, but still has the salvage history.
    The Olds presents well mostly but too much unknown about it.

  12. The benz is the right answer but having learned to drive on a Cutlass Supreme (sedan, not vert) I have always had a soft spot for the convertibles, especially when NOT equipped with the terrible DOHC engine.

  13. I voted for the Z. However, if I had more Internet money to burn, I’d take the Lincoln and put a big ole blower through the hood.

  14. Great shootout! It was a tough choice for me between the W126 and the 300ZX. Ultimately, my nostalgic love for the Z cars won out. The 280ZX was my first real car crush and you never forget your first. (Also, the Nissan gets extra points for the excellent Craigslist Forum story that the seller wrote.)

  15. Reading a thread or two on the difficulty of de-carriage-roofing a Lincoln Mark VII takes that off the list. I voted for the ZX in its neoclassic showdown, but the salvage title bounces it from the field here. The Olds isn’t bad, but I’m annoyed the owner couldn’t even bother to have keys cut. So we’re left with the W126, which is probably for the best. Another great week, Tucker!

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