Good morning, Autopians! In this week leading up to the Christmas holiday, my gift to all of you is going to be eight toys. Some will be ready to play with right away, while others are some assembly required, and batteries are definitely not included. On Friday, we’ll do a traditional runoff between the four winners, and let you choose which one you want Santa to leave for you under the tree.
On Friday, we looked at four potential first-driving-lesson vehicles, and the clear winner was the easiest one to drive: the Mitsubishi Galant. I guess that makes sense. The two manuals followed, and I’m surprised by how close their vote counts were to each other. I guess my “throw ’em in the deep end and see how they swim” approach is shared by more of you than I would have guessed.
The real surprise here is the minivan; I assumed it would score higher, being the most similar to the majority of modern cars, and the least likely to be mourned, should some terrible new-driver fate befall it. But it seems to have barely moved the needle.
For our first pair of Christmas treats, we have a gussied-up Seventies American economy car that could only have existed in that time and place, and a tiny Italian sports car in an eye-searing shade of green. Neither of these is ready to hit the road just yet, but I think both of them have potential. Let’s check them out.
1977 Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon – $2,488
Engine/drivetrain: 2.3 liter overhead cam inline 4, four-speed manual, RWD
Location: Martha Lake, WA
Odometer reading: 70,000 miles
Operational status: “Motor is blown,” which I assume means it doesn’t run
The 1970s were a weird time. You had disco, Star Wars, and–inexplicably–”Star Wars Disco.” Fashions and cars were generally pretty bad, music (with some regrettable exceptions as noted above) was generally pretty good. Interest rates were high, and inhibitions were low. Even a little kid like me could tell everything was topsy-turvy. And the Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon somehow manages to encapsulate all of it.
This is not a custom car. You could walk into a Ford dealership in the late ’70s and actually buy one of these things; a Pinto panel wagon with porthole windows and some admittedly cool graphics. I’ve never seen this color combination before as most are silver with red and orange graphics (or less commonly white with two-tone blue), but the seller says this beige/green combo is original, and I have no reason to doubt it. And I’m not ashamed to say I really dig it.
Under all those flashy graphics, it’s a run-of-the-mill Pinto wagon, powered by a 2.3 liter “Lima” four-cylinder engine. These little wonders found their way under the hoods of various Ford products all the way up until 2001. They’re generally robust and durable engines, but the seller says this one is “blown,” and I don’t think they mean supercharged. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for an engine swap to me. Imagine this thing with a later turbocharged 2.3, or even better, a 302 V8.
The inside hasn’t weathered the years as well as the outside has, but that’s cheap 1970s upholstery for you. Actually, most of it doesn’t look too bad; the driver’s seat needs redoing, and the door caps need a coat of paint (they’re exposed steel, painted black), but the passenger’s seat just looks dusty. The biggest problem is that it’s all plain black; the flashy exterior deserves a less somber and boring interior color, especially when it’s such a cave in the back anyway.
1970 Fiat 850 Sport Spider – $3,800
Engine/drivetrain: 903 cc overhead valve inline 4, four-speed manual, RWD
Location: Aledo, TX
Odometer reading: 48,000 miles
Operational status: Turns over but won’t start
I’m not sure anyone has ever taken the time to figure out what marque has the widest range of engine displacements ever used in two-seat roadsters, but I believe that honor may belong to Fiat. Fiat’s 1907 130 hp Grand Prix race car had a 16.2 liter four-cylinder engine, and the fabled “Mephistopheles” land-speed-record car of 1923 was powered by a gigantic 21.7 liter six-cylinder Fiat airplane engine–though to be fair, it wasn’t an official Fiat creation. Contrast that with this car, the 850 Sport Spider from decades later, with its diminutive 0.9 liter four, a little less than 1/24th the size of Mephistopheles’s engine.
This little water-cooled pushrod engine is mounted longitudinally in the rear of the 850, driving the rear wheels through a four-speed manual gearbox. This one doesn’t run at the moment; it turns over but won’t fire. But there’s not much to older engines like this; see if it has fuel, spark, and compression, and if you’ve got those, it’s just a matter of fiddling with stuff until it starts.
The rest of it looks quite nice; I have always loved that acid-green color on Fiats, and this one looks mercifully rust-free. The inside is tidy, except for a little wear and tear and a couple dash cracks, and it has non-original high-back bucket seats in it. I can’t place them, but I’m thinking GM, maybe out of a Monza or something. The seller also notes that it has a new convertible top.
I test-drove one of these once, and it was a hoot. Totally impractical, of course; it’s cramped, slow, and utterly terrifying around even normal-sized traffic, but the sense of lightness and immediacy was just a delight. It’s on par performance-wise with an MG Midget, but it’s a totally different feel. This one looks like it’s just a weekend or two of tinkering away from being someone’s pride and joy.
So that’s our first pair of castaways on the Island of Shitbox Toys. Tomorrow, we’ll look at another pair, and those, if I remember right, both run and drive. But for today, you must choose between a wild panel delivery, and a tiny Italian sports car. What’ll it be?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Owned a 850 spider, Paid 400 bucks for it.Alternator was bad on it but the car was so light you could push start it by yourself. Engine mount broke on it so a chain took it’s place, did not have the canvass top, but came with the fiberglass hardtop. A true Shitbox that I still miss.
I’ll take OJs lawyers advice and say if the Fiar fits you must buy it.
My favorite 2 seater from way back is the Jensen Healey. Small cheap but at least decent power with a Lotus 907 motor. Of course if you got money there were many faster 2 seaters.
I voted fiat, because TINY GREEN FROG CAR! SQUEEEEEE! But I love them both.
Man oh man, whatever did we do to Santa to get these two lumps of coal in our stockings?
850 Hands down, fun, stupid, design icon, color.
Pinto wagon, as I am too tall to fit in the Fiat, plus the wagon is simply the 1970s personified.
I would buy that Fiat tomorrow if it were next door.
Pinto, because the upgrades are SO easy. The Fiat doesn’t even have the heater hose connected. That likely means the electrics in the dash are fritzed too, and the fan motor doesn’t pull any air.
I’m a huge Fiat fan, but not this model.
Wagon all day.
Find 2.3L EcoBoost setup, drop in, drive it till the wheels fall off.
I’ll take the Pinto. Back in high school I had a MGB and my friend bought this Fiat. He was trying to keep his running more than me. It truly was a POS. Then again with this paint color, people will at least see you LOL
“He was trying to keep his running more than me. It truly was a POS.”
I’ll bet just replacing the points with a modern ignition module and upgrading the gaskets to modern ones would fix most of those problems. Cheap too.
Or Hayabusa. Not as cheap but fuck yeah!
There is a reason that the Driver’s seat has disintegrated. I’m sure that it’s seen some things…
So modern Fiat sucks, but the Fiat’s that made the nickname “Fix It Again Tony” are almost always the preferred choice? Yeah sure, ok.
We could have a sports car. But a wagon that may have a tendency to blow up upon immedient rear-end impact sounds like more fun.
the wagon had the gas tank in a different location. had one. drove cross country several times, spent a winter in Aspen with chains on it all winter, it was a beast. copper colored, sold it for pretty much what I bought it for if memory serves
Good thing I said may have!
No matter what though, I’d rather have a Pinto then a Fiat sports car from 1970.
The Fiat’s cute, but we’ll take the Pinto, drop in a V6 from an S197 Mustang and go autocrossing.
I’m not sure you could cram an overhead cam V6 between the wheel wells of the Pinto. The 302s fit because they are push-rod valves.
The better choice may be an ecoboost 4 from a SN550 Mustang. Although a turbo Lima from a T-Bird turbo coupe would be pretty cool.
I am praying you mean the 3.7L Cyclone and not a 4.0L boat anchor
Yeah, that’s probably what I mean. Max reminded me the OHC V6 probably wouldn’t fit … I like the Ecoboost 4 idea better anyway.
I get the 70’s weirdness factor in the pinto, but its not enough to get me into spending money on reviving it – especially when I could spend it on something that will always be cooler.
Considering both are just lawn art at the moment, the Pinto gets you wellness checks from the local PD and warrants with words like “possession” and “intention to distribute”, while the Fiat will get you fancy friends who buy $9 baguettes from whole foods and bring fancy wine to dinner parties
“the Fiat will get you fancy friends who buy $9 baguettes from whole foods and bring fancy wine to dinner parties”
And who will freak out should you manage to fire up that smelly, smoky pre modern emissions engine.
No, no, double no.
That Pinto has an excellent color palate! [End of available complements]
The Pinto should be priced around $1,000 because A) Bad motor B) Trashed interior and C) It’s a fucking Pinto.
I know I am in the minority here, but I am taking that Pinto baby. So much great fun things you can do, V-8, 2.3 Turbo, back into a wall and have a barbeque. The possibilities are endless.
That Spider is almost an ideal EV conversion candidate. I’d make a custom aero hard top for it as well.
A beige “cruising wagon.” It begs the question: for what are you cruising? Reminds me of those pink dolphins in the Amazon (the river, not the website) and those are just freaky.
I’ll take the tiny, bright green pleasure machine with its little engine that couldn’t.
“It begs the question: for what are you cruising? ”
Herpes, crabs, restraining orders.
The Fiat.
You can order anything from Italy and will pay more for shipping than for the actual parts; and since everything is small and light, even shipping will be cheap.
Mark, you missed the Beast of Turin! Almost 10 inches of stroke!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiat_S76_Record
Holy crap! I was unaware of that one. Consider me schooled. That makes it an even wider margin.
Looking it up has got me wondering (again) what a modern 28 liter 4 cylinder would look like.
Oh, yeah, and there’s the contretemps surrounding the surviving example (just two were built); apparently the person restoring it asked a museum in Italy to send him their original Beast of Turin engine so he could build a replica engine using the museum’s engine as a reference but then installed the museum’s engine in his car and sent the replica engine to the museum in its stead. Egad. Maybe you or another Autopian writer could dig into that, seems like it’d make for a heck of an article here, especially since it seems like much of the information online is in Italian.
IIRC inline fours are smooth only up to about 2.2L. This thing is 28L. The NVH must have been epic.
For me it’s the Spider by a country mile because I love the classic lightweight roadster formula to death and that green is just fantastic…but I think this will be close because we have a brown manual wagon which if the car blog world is to be believed is the most perfect enthusiast vehicle imaginable.
Needs moar diesel for that.
Or a rotary swap
LS!
Yeah, but, once you’re done, it’ll still be a Pinto.
This.
But it’s ok – larger rear crumple zone.