Did you know that The Autopian is considered by many in the United States government to be a crucial part of the Department of Homeland Security? While not “true” in the conventional sense, it’s nevertheless a responsibility I take quite seriously. Mostly what we do is keep careful tabs on the automotive world and detect potential threats early, before they can really cause harm.
We have such a threat detected, and it is serious enough that we felt it was important to bring it to your attention sooner rather than later when it could actually be destructive. We have detected an up-and-coming car color trend that, while a welcome break from the relentless slog of grayscale, nevertheless represents a genuine aesthetic threat to our collective automotive well-being. We call this color Discarded Band-Aid Beige or perhaps Creepy Abandoned Baby Doll Buff or even Prosthetic Peach. It was a color that was surprisingly common on consumer items and electronics in the 1970s and 1980s, and it must not be allowed to become trendy for cars.
We were alerted that this color trend should be escalated from an Issue of Concern to Potential Threat status when our own David Tracy showed us some pictures of a Lucid Air he spotted in Los Angeles bearing a variant of this particular color family:
As you can see, that color, while close to, say, butterscotch, isn’t quite there. It has a sort of duller quality, with a hint of innate dinginess. That’s because that Lucid Air is painted in this color, a color that somehow manages to evoke the feeling of countless oily hands gripping the clammy rubber of a CPR dummy. Something about this color makes one feel that whatever this color is, um, coloring, is the sort of public-use thing that has passed through thousands of unwashed hands.
This is the color of the baby doll you saw abandoned by the riverbank that’s been haunting your dreams for the past two weeks. This is the color of the cheapest possible prosthetic leg a mournfully inadequate insurance provider will spring for. It’s the subtly racist mocking color of a Band-Aid on the skin of anyone who dares to not be Caucasian and still gets a scrape. It’s the color of a battered mannequin in a Ross Dress for Less that has had two left hands since the Bush administration. It’s the color of off-brand clearance-rack vanilla ice milk, it’s the color of pus on a wound, the color of an inflatable sex doll bought as a novelty gift and used in earnest once during an excruciatingly low point in your life, and can never be looked at again without a wince of shame.
This is not a color for a car.
For unknowable reasons, probably having to do with the state of plastic molding and pigmenting tech of the 1970s and 1980s, this color was often used for the plastic housings of electronics that businesses would buy in bulk – never individual consumers, who would recoil at the idea. But you see lots of telecommunication equipment in this sad hue – telephones, fax machines, speakerphones, that kind of thing.
Bafflingly, this color is definitely trending in the automotive world, where it’s sometimes euphemistically called something evocative like Desert Sand or Desert Tan or something like that, something that’s supposed to conjure ideas of adventure and exoticism, but, really, it’s just the same color as a billion beige-ish plastic things nobody ever wanted or any number of bits of wearable medical equipment like a hearing aid or a urostomy bag. Look how many people are wrapping their Porsches and Lambos and BMWs and Challengers in this miserable hue:
This isn’t the first time this color or something close to it has attempted to move from the medical and sex-aid and undesirable electronics worlds into the automotive space: it’s shown up at various times since the 1950s, though often it was more skewed to the beige side of things, like the Wrigley’s gum beige VW was fond of in the late 1960s and early 1970s, or a more conventional sort of tan. Still, it wasn’t unknown, as you can see from the top left color in this 1970s Audi Fox color lineup:
This time, though, it’s different. The color isn’t just showing up here and there in the vast palettes of available colors of some cars, it’s actually becoming something of a trend, and people are choosing to get their cars wrapped in this color. Choices are being made! People are proud of showing off their cars that are the same color as the business end of a fleshlight:
#Lamborghini #Urus wrapped in Desert Sand wrap by California’s RDBLA gets new front rear fascia pic.twitter.com/GRVOVblVX5
— 24wheel_news (@24wheel_news) October 12, 2020
Look, we’re here to help. I know this is alarming, and I realize that we have to be extra careful not to stifle the proliferation of real car colors, because just having anything that isn’t black, white, or silver/gray is something that requires about as much care and nurturing as a rare orchid, but in this case, we simply cannot let this mannequin-prosthetic-fax-machine-creepy doll color stand. We just can’t. A line in the sand needs to be drawn, and we’ve drawn that line.
Knock it off with this sickly color, people. Reformulate your desert sand-evoking colors. You can do it. Just be, you know, aware this time. We’ll be watching.
[Ed note: I saw a Lambo in this color in LA this weekend and I kind of liked it. While it wouldn’t work on a Nissan Altima it’s kind of fun on an exotic. Hopefully, this opinion won’t result in me having to clean David’s floor again… – MH]
Would you draw this line you suggest in the Desert Sand?
Draw it in British Leyland Sand Glow (the paint used on Camel Trophy Landrovers)
I like the color. Fight me.
At least we know Jason’s motivation for this article.
He buried the lede.
And probably the evidence.
I just realized with some dismay that the color scheme of the Lucid Air is close to that of the ’71 Challenger I had as a yute. It was basically butterscotch with a black vinyl top and silver rally (or rallye) wheels.
Removing one of the door sill panels revealed the original color: a sickly sort of green. You may not believe it, but the butterscotch was better on that particular car.
And I’m thinking that Torch’s image search history must be… interesting.
A Yute? What is a yute?
We miss you Herman Munster, Fred Gwinn, I think Wilson Wilson would have made a great Herman for any remakes.
break time in the paint r&d lab –
Tim: I dunno Bill, i understand the costs line up, but it kinda looks like dried puke.
Bill: hmmm…alright.
how about if we call it “desert sand”?
Tim: ya ok, we can try that but I doubt anyone will sign off on it once they see it.
I like it.
Not another grayscale, “Retirement Beige,” or even a token shade of red. Good.
I for one welcome “chickpea” to the car color palette.
Do we want more brown cars or not? MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, PEOPLE
They want brown cars, but not REALLY brown cars.
Yesterday, came across an early 2010s Fusion in metallic brown! I didn’t even realize it was offered in that color, and after peeking to see if it was even more rare with a manual (sadly no), I immediately thought even so jeeze this place would go bonkers over it.
When you come to the Autopian it’s a safe bet that you’re headed to Brown Town
When I was in the market for one of those redesigned 1st gen Fusions, I was hoping to find a new one in that color (Cinnamon Metallic — it’s a mix of dark red and brown). It was not readily available, and I’ve maybe only seen a few out in the wild since. I think it looks good when the light hits it right!
I enjoy Ford’s names for stuff like that, to avoid just calling it “metallic brown” (I personally liked Ford’s deep gold color of the era). The one I saw was in the middle of a sunny day, bet it looks more cinnamon-y in lower, less direct light.
Rootbeer brown for the win?
If your car is this color can you buy a scratch repair kit at Rite-Aid?
Get one of those giant novelty car band-aids and let the scratch heal on its own.
When Chalk became A Thing I was cool with it, then Ivory pushed my limit, but this is a bridge too far.
(but in all seriousness, drive what you like! who cares what anyone else thinks!)
.
The problem isn’t the beige, it’s the stupid matte finish. It looks JUST as bad as the grey that is so popular right now…
Wagon
Diesel
Manual
Brown
This is just another shade of brown. I hate this shade, but it’s brown. I think we are obligated to accept it due to that, right?
…”a sort of duller quality, with a hint of innate dinginess.”
This is a feature! The dull dinginess means you can go months without washing the car, because it looks the same with a layer of grime as it does clean. And in parts of the country where the local dirt is the same color, it provides stealth.
This was my father’s exact reason for purchasing a tan/beige 2000 Pontiac Bonneville.
What I liked about having a silver car was that it would turn gray gradually enough that I barely noticed it was dirty until filth rubbed off on my clothes. Then I’d wash it and realize silver =/= gray.
I’d argue tan is just another plain color like white, black, grey, etc.
I don’t really care for any of them except for white and that’s only because white is a better base color if you chose to repaint the car.
We need more bright colorful cars.
Coincidentally, I referred to this color this weekend that is now kinda “in” to be:
“CPR Dummy Beige”
Aah the perfect color for coal rollers to rundown a bicycle parade and then just dissappear.
It’s the colour of hospital plastics
Nah this color is great compared to the current grey and white wasteland.
FDE is very popular these days, as is ODG, but Blued is still the classic.
The sand coloured Tacoma is pretty close to this but looks great
Just came to say this. Totally, and another really good use was on the FJ Cruiser.
Was behind one on my ride home today, and I disagree, I did not like it.
What color were you driving?
Brown CTS. I’ve since thought about this comment, and I didn’t hate it, just not my favorite. It’s certainly not ugly.
When it’s super bright out, my Jeep Truck (JT) in Gobi is very light. But with the first hint of overcast skies, it’s turns much darker like putty, and is pushing right up on this color 🙂
Very much like British Leyland hearing aid beige from the late 70s and early 80s
You forgot the NSF warning. I don’t think I have seen so much anatomy on this website before.
This color was bad on my mom’s ’71 Chevy Vega, but at least that made sense given the era and the car itself. And I can kind of understand it on a pickup truck, for the utilitarian, quasi-military vibe. But on a Lucid, or Lambo, or Porsche, or…?
No, please no.
Butternut Yellow has been a thing since the 60’s
THIS IS NOT BUTTERNUT YELLOW. I love butternut yellow!
You probably should anyway, while it is still relatively unspoiled. You don’t want the next time to be even worse.
(And the defense of rust he just posted suggests he is regressing to his old ways, so it could get much worse.)