Yesterday, and I can’t exactly remember why it happened, we ended up talking about the Chevrolet Chevette, especially the ultra-base model Chevette Scooter. I found myself getting into a real Chevette-hole, trying to find pictures of just how austere and punishing that entry-est level of Chevettes was, with its absent rear seat and armrest-free door cards and rubber mats on the doors, carpet just a glorious, decadent dream. The best place for those pictures, by the way, is this 1977 Car and Driver review. More importantly, though, is this fact: I started to want one of these miserable things.
The Chevette, even in its most lavish versions, was a primitive, cramped hunk of crap, to put it generously. Its RWD drivetrain was last-generation’s tech in an increasingly FWD world, just shrunk down and crammed into a hatchback. The build quality was often on the level of how on-model your average superhero-based popsicle is, and the car really didn’t offer any especially clever or compelling details.
And yet, somehow, this sad little thing has some strange charm I found myself drawn to. I remember carpooling in high school with my friend Emily, listening to Camper Van Beethoven in her white Chevette, and those are good memories! That car wasn’t too bad, right?
So, yeah, somehow I tricked my brain into kind of wanting a Chevette Scooter. There must be crap cars that you, dear, sexy readers, have somehow found yourself desiring, against all better judgment, right? Cars that you never really thought were especially interesting or appealing or, hell, even good, that somehow hijack your desire?
Tell us about them! Spill your guts! We’re here to commiserate, or describe something even worse!
It won’t be possible to register a car like this in Germany (or bring one to the US). But they are still building the first generation Ford Festiva in Tunisia. As a tiny pick-up:
https://www.wallyscar.com//wallys-216/
I went with my mom on a few test drives in the 80s when she was shopping for her next car. She looked at a red Chevette just like in the picture and a Yugo, which were newly imported at the time. She picked the Chevette. I still think she made the wrong decision.
As for the car I would pick…. Probably an AMC Pacer. Don’t know why. Maybe the visibility.
I do genuinely want a ’92-’93 Chrysler New Yorker Fifth Avenue. Big sofa seats! Covered headlights! Landau roof! The last gasp of the K-car!
Every time I see one in the wild – which isn’t often – it delights me with its combination of ostentatious baroque detailing and obviously humble underpinnings. There is absolutely no way I can justify buying one but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
Mercifully I can live vicariously through Aging Wheels on YouTube since Robert has all of the things I’m curious about, and has made it very clear its wise I don’t own any of them. Man is his channel excellent though.
I loved the recent review of the Twike!
That thing is such an utter death trap and a nightmare, but man I want one now. Great videos on that thing too! It’s a really good thing I have limited garage space…
Just last week, I saw what must be one of the few remaining 2004(ish) Mitsubishi Lancer station wagons. One of the reasons there aren’t many left is because they never sold that many in the US to begin with.
I loved the design of that car. To me it looked like a shrunken Volvo V70. I really wanted to buy one when they came out, but I’d had a horrid experience with a Mitsubishi engine in a K-car, and because Mitsubishi was “dead brand walking” in the US by 2004.
I don’t know if it is considered to be a crap car, but I have an unexplained love of Chevy Sonic RS hatchbacks. They just look cool to me.
I have a deep appreciation for the pre-facelift Sonic, with its spiffy quad-round headlights and sweet motorcycle-inspired cluster binnacle. The facelifted ones just don’t have the same charm.
I bought one for my kids to drive. The Inferno Orange is an excellent color!
There’s a long list of ’80s ChryCo crapboxes that I often dream of restoring. This is because that’s what most of my family drove when I was growing up.
Dodge Daytonas, LeBarons, Turismos and K cars of every stripe.
Today I spent part of the morning obsessing over this 1984 Chrysler Executive Limo on BaT, daydreaming about taking 3 or 4 of my equally crazy friends, flying out to LA to pick this up, and then reverse-Cannonballing it back to NC in maximum stretched K-car pillow-velour-pseudo-luxury. What a grand adventure that would be.
Like cheering for the Buffalo Bills, some things I can’t get out of my blood no matter how much I sometimes wish I could, or how much pain they cause me.
My dad had a weird knack for buying many of the cars mentioned here. Hillman Minx, Opel Kadett, Vega Kammback, Pinto wagon, K-Car, Dodge Omni. I’m not sure what that says about him but I sure enjoyed the strange variety.
My dad had similar taste: 1973 Vega GT Kammback, 1981 Cadillac diesel. And at some point in the 60s he owned a Renault Dauphine.
An old Chevy Chevette. My mom owned one when I was little. The story that she loves to share is that it was stolen once and the responding officer told her the thief must have gotten REALLY tired of walking. Something about those things is appealing in an…I was going to say honest, but that doesn’t feel right. She was definitely sold a pile in the guise of a solid little econobox. Possibly better than the Celebrity she owned before the Chevette?
I also absolutely love the 80s Century and Cutlass Cieras. Something about the shape, the velour interior, the sole focus on separating octogenarians from the outside world by making the suspension soft and the engine barely move. I almost bought three of the things during my late teens/early 20s, but each sale fell apart. Did have a Town Car and Crown Vic at least!
Oh gosh you just hit on one of my favorite topics. Because I love cars in this realm, and think that nice examples of “crap” cars deserve to be preserved, because sometimes failures are more interesting.
On my current list, among others:
Sterling 825/827
Diesel GM A-body
Daihatsu Charade
(Daewoo) Pontiac LeMans (these are essentially extinct)
An X-11 Chevy Citation hatchback.
I’d love to rally a Chevy Citation. Just all out on a dirt track, maybe with some small jumps. We had one when I was a kid but sold it before I was old enough to drive. That sideways stereo was ridiculous.
Dodge Omni. My friend had one it never let us down in high school!
There’s a pristine ’79 for sale in Jason’s neck of the woods.
The Mk IV Golf is widely reputed to be crap. And yet I have one. A base model GL, at that. And not only do I love it, it’s been dead reliable so far. Though, admittedly, the interior is getting tired in places.
Oh yeah, gimme a Gremlin of course (Trans-Am winning chassis in an economy car?!) but I’d also rock a Mustang II. One of those most supported chassis’ just because it became the go-to outside of the car for street rodders. Control arms, coilovers, spindles, brakes, steering racks, etc, anything you want is available for the front of a Mustang II.
The Suzuki Verona was a rebadged Daewoo sedan that was equipped with a small-displacement inline 6 as the only engine choice. That description alone is interesting and mysterious enough to have made me curious about that car for years now.
And in a separate category of “Definitely not a crap car, but a make with a crap reputation”, I would love a 1958-1962 Rambler Classic or Ambassador.
Ah the fair Verona, where we set our scene.
Seriously though I agree on that one, it also is a genuinely good looking car until it is eaten by rust – former neighbor had one.
Paging Mick Harrell. Allegro AND a Maestro… And a Volvo 66.
I mean, I only want weird and stupid cars. That’s why I am here.
High on my list right now is a Volvo 300-series. Preferably a 345 Diesel in beige. Or one of Belgium and Switzerland and South Africa’s own car brand: the Ranger (definitely worth an article).
I don’t know what you mean. I assure you all of my cars are wonderful.
A VW Thing
From experience using one during a television shoot, it is definitely kind of crap, but still appealing because of the novelty.
Yessss, I’ve had a crush on the Thing since Reese Witherspoon’s character drove one in an equally shitty 90s rom com called Overnight Delivery. She was quirky and cute. The Thing was quirky and cute.
I’d happily DD a Yugo or Festiva.
EDIT: or a Lada Niva, Volga, or Wartburg.
A sibling had an early aughts barebones Chevy Aveo hatchback (manual transmission, crank windows, no fob, manual locks) that I never got to drive, but would now be interested in. They had it for ~120,000 miles and never needed the AC recharged, clutch replaced, or brake pads replaced.
They also said this: “[It] had really small tires. 185/6-/R14 I think. I had multiple tires flattened or even blown out by potholes, I had two steel wheels BENT by potholes, one of which was beyond repair, and one time I hit a bump in the road so hard that it blew out both of my headlights. That was a problem, especially in Pennsylvania where the roads look like they were imported from 1945 Berlin.”
So by their description, it was a car that drove better than it looked. So I’d be curious, and I’ve never driven stick anyway, so how better to learn than on a real bargain-bin vehicle?
185/65r14 is not a really small tire, thats normal to above average for a 90s-2000s tiny econobox. Lots of Festivas and Civics and stuff had like 165 wide 13″ wheels. Either you’re right and Pennsylvania roads are really bad, or your sibling just doesn’t steer around giant potholes.
If youve never driven manual, I think that puts you in a minority in this audience. You definitely should.
I was born in the mid-90’s, so most of the “econoboxes” were gone by the time I was driving. I’ve spent 98% of my driving time to date in either a ’97 Econoline or a 2012 Prius v.
I can attest to PA roads being bad, because you can’t avoid all of them. I had at least one rim irreparably bent in the van, even. But then, we were in the coal region at the time. The roads are much better near Harrisburg, on average.
I know it might make me the minority here, but I don’t mind. If anything, I love the eCVT. Why have a few gears when you can have i n f i n i t e g e a r s?
You were born in the mid-90s so most of the econoboxes were gone by the time you were driving? What? Dude, they were still making proper econoboxes into the mid-2000s, and there are plenty still on the road. Trust me, I’m ten years younger than you and I’m not too young to have experienced 90s econoboxes.
My bad. I’m admittedly vague on understanding the exact definition of “econoboxes” here. But the “cheapest” car I’ve ever driven in was the 2005 Ford Focus station wagon I mostly learned to drive in (alongside a 2010 Ford Flex) so I don’t see myself as having “crap car” experience.
And….I mean, not like I know all cars off the top of my head, but if you ask me to name recent cars with tiny tires, I don’t have any answers.
Gotcha. By “econobox” I mean, and I think this is the most common definition, the small cheap not very fancy cars in the vein of the 1973-2005 1st-7th generation Honda Civics. All the Geo Metros, Honda Civics, Toyota Tercels, Ford Festivas, Suzuki Esteems, Hyundai Excels, Chevy Sprints, Mitsubishi Mirages, ect. Most of these use little 13″ or 14″ wheels. This whole market segment was the biggest in the 80s and 90s, and kinda went into the 2000s. Maybe the Yarises and Fits and Mirages that they kept making later still count, but the market segment was pretty dead after like 2005ish.
Not to crush dreams, but I wouldn’t want to learn on one, it has an incredibly vague shifter which is kind of difficult to use even with experience.
Most any manual you’re likely to encounter would be fine, though if you have an aim, I would go for something with a cable clutch (so you can feel it better) and with decent low end torque to make it easier to resist stalling, but not too much power that you’ll have a hard time avoiding wheel spin. Cable throttle is also better for its linearity and response vs way too many e-throttles that are programmed by monkeys banging on keyboards. Luckily, those things all pretty much go together as that tech was all contemporary and even most small engines of the day had enough low end to roll off the clutch without throttle without stalling. Old cars also don’t have the emissions programming that makes the engine maintain revs like it has a 50 lbs flywheel when going to shift (rev hang), which can make upshifts annoying (just have to shift slower). Really, though, I wouldn’t worry much about it. Too many sad gate-keepers or whatever reasons they have for doing so make it out to be a difficult and harrowing experience to learn and it is not. I have taught a number of non-car people how to drive a manual and not one “ground gears” (a misnomer as the gears are in constant mesh) like they always have characters do in movies and TV or did anything that would do any damage (it is possible, like if one were to money shift—that is shifting into too low a gear at too high a speed, which mechanically revs the engine past its redline and there’s nothing programming can do to stop it—but I have never had anyone come close to that when learning).
Hardest thing for me and everyone else I’ve taught or talked to is not stalling from a start on a hill. Most (all?) manuals today have hill holders that hold the brake on an incline over some threshold until you release the clutch, so learning becomes a little less stressful in that regard until you can find a quiet place to practice with the hill holder turned off (in modern cars, it’s a software setting. On old Subarus, there was a cable from the brake MC to the clutch fork that needed to be disengaged—that’s not something you’ll encounter, but thought I’d add that as I find that kind of dumb minutiae to be interesting and maybe someone else reading does too). Second thing most people have trouble with (though I picked it up quickly) is rev matching on a downshift, but that’s something you can learn as you get around. It’s mostly getting a feel for where the engine wants to be revving at a certain speed in a given gear.
Re old Subaru hill-holders. I disconnected mine after an incredibly tense few minutes on a very snowy and quite steep dirt road. It took me way to long to realize that the brakes were locking every time I touched them with the clutch in as I tried to back down that slippery slope—and that the culprit was the hill-holder.
that’s a vivid memory right there!
The vehicle I put learner’s in first is usually a mechanical diesel ute, mainly for its lack of stall and lack of power once moving, it gets them into the motions and then they can move into something a little more tricky… in other unrelated news, I’m in the process of replacing the transmission in said vehicle (nothing to do with learner drivers, more to do with its ute activities)
That has similar characteristics to my suggestion, though we don’t really have that kind of thing in the US (I assumed OP is in the US). Diesel trucks here are usually large heavy duty pickups (or commercial trucks) and rare in a manual. Diesel cars are also fairly rare with not many being offered and sold and automatics are going to be the majority of those, too. Diesels were never terribly popular outside of HD pickups (where they are usually an expensive option), but emissions has pretty much killed them in cars, with mostly only the cheaters offering them in the last 15 years or so. A few other manufacturers (I specifically remember Mazda and Subaru) had planned on selling them, but didn’t go through with it be it due to fallen fuel prices and historical low demand or not being able to meet the standards. I think the emission standards could be met if they used after-treatments, like urea, but there was pushback to such things as the government knew damn well lazy Americans wouldn’t bother refilling them and I believe they couldn’t come to a conclusion on how to force compliance. At that point, OEMs probably didn’t want to deal with it for inevitable nuisance and bad press and marketing reasons.
All solid points… sometimes I wish we could play swapsies and enjoy both sides of life… everyone needs to drive an old diesel ute… I don’t know anyone who hasn’t got out smiling….
Just give us a swing in a Viper or something supercharged 700ish hp in return… all we got was the Jeep Trackhawk and the extremely limited Mustang R-spec
Closest I’ve driven was an old Isuzu NPR turbo-diesel with a blown turbo that we had for work. Slow as hell, but actually fairly fun with the forward controls—more fun than too many cars I’ve driven.
Little trucks are always great… sitting ahead of/on the front axle is such a unique feeling…
Just imagine that powerplant in a 25 year old tacoma for doing all manner of “truck work”… great times
Pinto Squire (the woody wagon version). It would need a trip to a place that builds roll cages so they could weld in some extra protection for the gas tank.
US Ford Granada / Mercury Monarch / Lincoln Versailles.
2 door. Engine does not matter. Factory manual transmission. Factory AC / PS / PB. No vinyl roof.
FYI, the Pinto shooting brake didn’t have the fiery death problem like the hatchback. Due to the wagon’s hatch going all the way down to the bumper, the fuel filler was moved to the driver’s side. It is right between the taillights in the hatch/runabout. The problem was that the hose pop’s up and open, spewing gas inside the hatch area when rear ended.
And if you are going to get a long-roofed Pinto, the Cruisin’ Wagon is the obvious choice!
A ’71 or ’72 Chevy Vega Kammback wagon. I don’t even mind the later ones, but the early ones just look cute, are rather utilitarian, and simply hard to hate.
I’ll also admit that I like the Datsun 610. While not as attractive as the 510, my mom had a 610 wagon that simply seemed to run forever and could haul a surprisingly amount of stuff. Again, just hard for me to hate it.
Ford Popular 103e Ute. Cable brakes, thermosyphon cooled engine, made as late as 1959.
Had to google that to see what it was, and it leads me to a question. If a car is a classic, does it count as a crap car? Torch’s Chevelle is not a classic, and was crap when new. Was this crap when new?
According to insurance companies any car over 25 years old is a “classic”.
Many people consider them crap cars when compared to competitors from the same time due to the cable brakes, low horsepower, limited utility, etc. However I like it because of those features.
You can have 3 brake cables fail and you’ll still have 1 working brake, in a car with hydraulic brakes from the same era it almost certainly had single circuit brakes which means you bust one brake line and you lose ALL Brakes (except for the cable actuated parking brake if you have one).
If your water pump fails you’re going to have a fun time driving without overheating your engine. Thermosyphon cooled engines have no water pump to fail.
The car has less “features” and with that less of them to break, maintain, find parts for, less weight, etc.
Read in a book somewhere (Heinlein?) that the Model T was the apex of our technological development—and that we’ve been going downhill ever since. There have been days when I endorsed that sentiment
The Libertarian part of me wonders how different modern automobiles would be if the Federal Government didn’t get involved with the roads and states, counties, cities, towns, etc. only spent what they collected in revenue on the roads. Nowadays most towns, cities, etc. spend way more than they collect via road taxes building and maintaining roads.
A look at a few 3rd World countries should answer that.
Somewhat related, I swear I read or heard somewhere that Ford tried to duplicate the Model T’s climbing of some famously tall, steep steps (I thought it was Kansas’ Capital, but no luck searching) with one of their SUVs—and that the new SUV only succeeded on the 3rd try. In front of media, no less. My inner Luddite wants this to be true.
Except 3rd world countries don’t have massive domestic automakers like the US did/does, the closest thing I can think of is USSR vehicles.
I’d buy a new UAZ
-452 and ship it here if we didn’t have the 25 year import rule. It’s not perfect but it’s a modernized utilitarian Loaf.
I used to own a 2003 Jaguar X-Type with a 3.0L V6. Loved that little car. Ended up running a hog over, and no one could ever get the front end right after that. It would chew up front tires in like 10,000 miles. So I ended up trading it in for a 2004 Grand Marquis with a V8.
Wait: you ran over a hog? Full grown?
Regardless, I bet that was quite an…uh…exciting experience. I spent formative years in Iowa, and the thought of running into—much less over—some of the ones I saw is downright scary
It felt like running over a boulder. I turned around to see what I had hit (it was at night), and discovered the hog dead at the scene of the crash. I drove the car home (like a hundred miles), and didn’t realize how bad the damage was until I was at work the next day.
Didn’t Car & Driver call the Chevette the best car built in a third-world country?
For me, it would be any rear-engine Renault, with a preference for the Renault Floride.
I know C&D called the Chevette a shitbox. Was that the origin of the term?