What Crap Car Would You Perversely Love To Have?

Aa Chevette Scooter
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Yesterday, and I can’t exactly remember why it happened, we ended up talking about the Chevrolet Chevette, especially the ultra-base model Chevette Scooter. I found myself getting into a real Chevette-hole, trying to find pictures of just how austere and punishing that entry-est level of Chevettes was, with its absent rear seat and armrest-free door cards and rubber mats on the doors, carpet just a glorious, decadent dream. The best place for those pictures, by the way, is this 1977 Car and Driver review. More importantly, though, is this fact: I started to want one of these miserable things.

The Chevette, even in its most lavish versions, was a primitive, cramped hunk of crap, to put it generously. Its RWD drivetrain was last-generation’s tech in an increasingly FWD world, just shrunk down and crammed into a hatchback. The build quality was often on the level of how on-model your average superhero-based popsicle is, and the car really didn’t offer any especially clever or compelling details.

And yet, somehow, this sad little thing has some strange charm I found myself drawn to. I remember carpooling in high school with my friend Emily, listening to Camper Van Beethoven in her white Chevette, and those are good memories! That car wasn’t too bad, right?

So, yeah, somehow I tricked my brain into kind of wanting a Chevette Scooter. There must be crap cars that you, dear, sexy readers, have somehow found yourself desiring, against all better judgment, right? Cars that you never really thought were especially interesting or appealing or, hell, even good, that somehow hijack your desire?

Tell us about them! Spill your guts! We’re here to commiserate, or describe something even worse!

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Mercedes Streeter

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238 thoughts on “What Crap Car Would You Perversely Love To Have?”

  2. Oooh there’s so many!

    * Volvo 480. Perfection.
    * Pinto. See above.
    * Gremlin
    * Pacer
    * Original Beetle (*ducks*)
    * Eagle Talon or Mitsu equivalent
    * 2CV
    * Reatta

  3. I owned a 1984 Pontiac Acadian (same as a Chevette) which my grandmother sold me for $1 (Canadian). It served me well despite its failings which by the end were many.

    What I really wanted though was a 1990 blue Chevy Sprint Turbo with the little scoop on the hood.

  4. A buddy of mine had a chevette as his first three cars(he just kept restoring them), his first one was actually pretty neat when he got it done. It was two tone gray with a red interior, lowered, duck tail spoiler at the roof edge, and a custom header with a cherry bomb exhaust. As for me, I like lots of stupid cars, ford probe, escort(1st gen pony and gt), and even the stupid tempo. Any number of malaise era land yachts, and econo boxes, they’re fun in their own way, so sue me.

  7. i gotta say, My second car was a, 83′ Chevy Chevette inline 4 with four doors and a working A/C. I got mine after I sold my 66 Beetle cause I was not up to dealing with the 6volt electrics.
    I had so many good memories in that car.. and it was good to me. Up until I thru a rod on NYE of ’90 that is..
    I would love to have another one, even the rare factory v6 (I saw one at the junk yard back then but it had been introduced to a tree or three at some point. I did consider snagging the badge though, cause why not.

    I know its a POS, but its a charming POS. Simple to work on and kinda fun. Like a giant “Power wheels”. I have no idea how it would fair in the midwest though. I had mine while in Virginia beach area.

  8. I remember wanting a first gen PT Cruiser really bad because it was such a novel looking vehicle. Then the Daimler restyling totally ruined it for me when it redesigned its interior using Mattel-quality plastics.

  9. My top 10 list
    66 Volvo 122
    66 Pontiac Canso
    71 Datsun 510 2 dr
    72 Mazda RX3
    72 Comet
    66 Cutlass Supreme
    65 Plymouth Satellite
    64 Buick Skylark
    86 Toyota Cressida wagon
    73 Honda Civic

  10. A Ford Ka. Somehow they came up in comments on another recent article, and it prompted me to look to see if there were any for sale (they weren’t too common in Australia). There was only 1 listed for sale in the whole country, but it was dirt cheap and 2 suburbs away. I came SO CLOSE to buying it just because it was there, before sanity set in.

  11. I want…I want…

    *nervously glances around the room with a quivering lip*

    …a Cadillac Cimarron.

    *sobs into hands*

    A part of me craves a Morris Marina too.

    I’m like a moth to a flame for any unloved car. (But my dad was a mechanic at one of AMC’s test centers, so that explains a lot.)

  12. Ah, the Chevette Scooter. A car with interior door cards that were just that, cards. I’ll see your Chevette Scooter and throw in a Ford Pinto Pony sedan to pair up with it. Honorable mention goes to the 1975 Datsun B210 Honey Bee.

  13. 1st gen (’76 – ’80) Pontiac Sunbird Formula notchback coupe. Any engine, because I’m gonna drop in a Chevy 350. When I was 15 my dad and I test-drove a ’78 with the 305 and I believe a 4-speed manual, but I could be wrong about that tranny. With the glass pack muffler it sounded wonderful, but I don’t recall now why we passed on. I think maybe I wanted something bigger (I ended up with a ’77 Grand LeMans 2-door). I still love that body style, and I still want one with a V8.

    Also Buick Reatta, 87-92 Chrysler LeBaron convertible (pre-facelift, with hidden headlights), Cadillac Allante. And a Mustang II notchback (again, I am dropping in a 351.)

  15. Oh, easy. It’s all of them.

    I’ve driven a decent handful of unremarkable, featureless, somewhat dangerous cars and they’re generally somehow just packed with character, even if said character is as dry as stale bread, it still counts for something.

    My answer is the Mazda 121, I won’t narrow it down to a generation, all of them have their merits, but here’s a photo of one just to please your eyeballs.

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/49/1988-1989_Mazda_121_%28DA%29_Shades_3-door_hatchback_%285429721333%29.jpg

  17. The Mini 850. I know Minis are well coveted and appreciated now, but let’s not forget that especially in their most basic form, they were crap.
    The wiring, floors, and much of the steel bits of the car would turn to dust in about 10 years, sometimes sooner.
    With 28hp, this thing would have had to weigh 500 pounds just to not be painfully slow. Highways speeds were mainly an unfulfilled aspiration.
    Regardless, when in good condition, it’s still a Mini, and it’s still wonderfully tossable, charming and fun. That’s the kind of crap I like.
    Honorable mention to the ’89 Metro/Sprint/Firefly 3 cylinder.
    With its flimsy body, structural members that would rot and fall apart within a decade, and measly 55hp, it was basically a punchline in its time.
    Of course, the flimsy body meant added lightness, and the 55hp didnt feel all that slow. Fully independent suspension also allowed decent ride and handling. Like the Mini, it’s packaging was miraculous. Fuel injection and hydraulic lifters also meant that the 3 cylinder would just keep doing it’s thing without complaint.
    Lastly, the Canadian Nissan Micra. Dirt cheap, manual trans, and dead simple.

      1. I see those cup cars for sale everyday near me.
        I keep thinking I could probably make a street clone for like six grand.
        I’m shopping for a sports car, but these still have me tempted.

  19. Any AWD Subaru L series wagon… a perfectly balanced, underpowered, semi-reliable shitbox

    Also… the 2.8l naturally aspirated diesel mitsubishi triton (96-06) is a lovable shitbox… no ac… no power… fragile gearbox…small ute… best fun ever

  20. During college in the early 90s I worked in a pizza parlor that had a fairly good sized fleet of Chevettes. They had a barn where they would keep extra cars and eventually all of the fleet of seven or eight were distilled down into one remaining three door that we called the “blue lemon“ thanks to its original yellow paint (tops of the interior doors) but exterior painted blue, perhaps with a roller. This was not the Fleet member we were hoping would survive till the very end because it had no radio, no dome light, no heat and shaky enough electrics that you were instructed “do not shut it off during your shift. Just lock the door.”
    One of the drivers forgot to lock the door one of those times when the car was making a delivery near Occum Pond and came out to find that it had been delivered into Occum Pond by some adventurous college students. To every other drivers dismay the car was dragged out of the pond, dried out and used for another year or so flood damage and all.

  21. A 1980 Ford Fiesta S. 12″ tires. A Koln 1.6 in it that’s bulletproof. Room for four. Totally topped out at like 70. I loved mine and would happily own another one.

    If I couldn’t find a copper colored Pinto.

    1. There’s an orange Bobcat that lives in Palm Springs – not too far from the Disco Pinto.
      The latter is brought out every first weekend in November for Palm Springs Pride 🙂

  24. They may not fall under the traditional definition of crap car, but I want an Aston Martin Lagonda, an Aston Martin Cygnet, and a Ferrari 400i (technically I want the earlier 365 gt4 in manual, but nobody remembers those). Certainly they fall under the category of problematic or unloved within the marque.

    1. I’m not a Ferrari person, but that won’t stop me from saying the following. Isn’t the Dino the most unloved Ferrari?

      Perhaps a Ferrari owner can opine.

      1. The 400i automatic and the Dino are pretty much near the bottom of the heap amongst those that discriminate. Me? Hey they’re still built by Ferrari.

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