There I was, casually browsing the Internet, on the hunt for the next big story, when I came across a Twitter post. Some berk was selling some aftermarket wheels to suit a Tesla Model 3 or Model Y. And they had dicks on them. So far, so mundane. And yet, as the day went on, I kept coming back. There was something about these dicks that was drawing me in.
The wheels were shared on Twitter by @horsepower. A seller named “Rod Knee” had listed them on Facebook Marketplace in Brewster, New York, along with a number of more conventional wheels. They were bright, obnoxious, and eye-catching. The seller claimed to have paid $3,850 for them, and was asking $1,500. The ad stated the various wheels had been custom-machined to suit the 2018-2024 Model 3 and Model Y. The wheels were 20-inchers, and a girthy 8.5 inches wide. Despite this, we’re told they’re roughly five pounds lighter than Tesla’s factory rims!
Okay, so someone bought some joke wheels for their Tesla, and now they want to get rid of them. Simple, right? But then I tripped upon a mystery. Take a journey around the Internet, and it’s as if these wheels never existed. So what the heck is going on?
Interestingly, the same set of wheels is also listed on Craigslist. Though there, the owner claims to have paid $4,150 for the set, and is asking $1,800 for all four with TPMS installed, or $1,600 without.
If you search for “dick wheels” or “penis wheels” or “dong wheels,” you’ll find a bunch of results on Google Image search. Two main images will turn up. The first is a shot of a penis wheel on a black background, seemingly some kind of sale image. Most of them just lead to banal forum discussions about “what wheels should I put on my car,” with fellow posters responding with the dong wheels as a joke.
The second image is a screenshot from the final episode of golden-era Top Gear. In season 22, episode 8, Jeremy Clarkson showed up with penis wheels fitted to his Vauxhall Frontera. This spawned a few Reddit posts, including one where a user sought the source of these wheels for themself.
By this point, I’ve learned little. I know that someone bought these wheels relatively recently for their Tesla, but the seller hadn’t responded to give me more information. I know that the same style of wheel existed prior to 2015, based on its appearance on Top Gear. The earliest forum posts of the wheel that I could find date back as early as 2004. Meanwhile, I can find no evidence of any contemporary or historic sellers or manufacturers of this wheel!
This, to me, is mysterious. If these wheels were produced by some notable wheel manufacturer, they’d be online somewhere. Other novelty wheels are easy to track down, after all, like Ronal Teddy Bears or the ultra-rare Mazda 121 Haribo gummy-bear wheels. But the dong rims? They’re like ghosts!
No dead links to old eBay listings. Nothing on AliExpress. Nothing on Google Shopping. Nothing on Yahoo Japan auctions (though I can’t read or write Japanese). My searches have been fruitless. Poring over the Facebook Marketplace ad hasn’t gotten me any further. The seller refers to them as “J7 wheel, otherwise know as the dogbone wheel” but those search terms have gotten me nowhere.
As a side note, searches for these wheels are complicated by the development of a new product. Tons of dropshippers are now selling dong-shaped valve stem caps, and they crowd out any searches you make in this regard.
All I can guess is that these are the kind of wheels that show up in low-rent car parts stores. Perhaps ordered from some cheap Chinese catalogue full of cheap wholesale wheels. Even then, I’d still expect them to show up on Alibaba, but they’re not there to my knowledge. Either that, or these wheels are being custom made for customers who are willing to throw away cash for a laugh. Plausible, given the geometry is simple enough to recreate, but wild if so. Who’s dropping multiple bands for custom dong rims?
Basically, these dick wheels do not seem to have been sold, either now or in the past. And yet they exist. I’ll continue digging, and I hope you will too. Perhaps together, we can find the dicks we’re looking for.
Update: I’m glad to say we’ve had not one, but multiple breaks in the story! Overnight, the seller of these wheels reached out to me. As a few of you in the comments had realized, “MAX FORGED” wasn’t just some generic center cap. It was the name of a small wheel manufacturing operation based out of New York. My early searches for that term just turned up random forged wheels, so I’d missed it.
In any case, Rod Knee’s response confirmed one thing for us: Max Forged made dick wheels. “Hello Lewin!” read the message. “I have a small forged wheel company, Max Forged Wheels, so I made them myself.” That explains it! Or… does it?
Here’s the thing. Some of you had more luck hunting down dick wheels from other sellers. The problem with finding them appears to be that nobody wants to call them dick wheels in the open. Down in the comments, J3FFER50N found these “rose” wheels from Jova Wheels, a Chinese wholesaler. They appear very similar, right down to the pink finish, and can be ordered in a wide variety of fitments. Notably, the “FORGED” writing on the center cap seems to match that of “MAX FORGED” on Rod Knee’s wheels.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CyWClG1AGg2/
So, ultimately, we’ve finally found one manufacturer of dick rims. We can also say that maybe Rod Knee is making these in New York under the “MAX FORGED” name, or maybe they’re just ordering them from Jova.
Plus, someone had some custom made in Dubai, but it’s all top secret. Because of course it is.
We still don’t know who built the first set of dick rims, but it seems certain they date back to the dawn of the 21st century or even earlier. Perhaps digging up some old European car accessory catalogs might fill in more of the history of these incredibly unique hideous abominations.
Image credits: Facebook Marketplace, Top Gear via YouTube screenshot, Google Images screenshot, Jova Wheels
Don’t think I can add a pic, but the new GMC Sierra 1500 AT4 wheels are basically a subtle version of these.
Do they come in a turtleneck edition ?
Do they come in a turtleneck edition ?
Pathetic attempt to get me to click this article. Bunch of master baiters on this site… 😉
The mass debaters here would argue that point.
Pathetic attempt to get me to click this article. Bunch of master baiters on this site… 😉
The mass debaters here would argue that point.
found an identical wheel at Jova wheels, color and all
https://www.jovawheels.com/specialty-forged-wheels_c35_2
the font on the center cap is the same too
https://www.jovawheels.com/honda-civic-wheels-rose-red-rims_p1869.html
I SHOWD YOU MY WHEEL PLS RESPOND
Great find!!! Updating.
These Enkei G-zero wheels look like a bunch of dicks too
https://www.instagram.com/avenue_31/p/CubyawjygHD/?img_index=1
maybe its just my immature mind, you be the judge
Autopian, give this man a job!
Rim? Hand?
You gotta be more specific.
Either or would be a great end to this work week
found an identical wheel at Jova wheels, color and all
https://www.jovawheels.com/specialty-forged-wheels_c35_2
the font on the center cap is the same too
https://www.jovawheels.com/honda-civic-wheels-rose-red-rims_p1869.html
I SHOWD YOU MY WHEEL PLS RESPOND
Great find!!! Updating.
These Enkei G-zero wheels look like a bunch of dicks too
https://www.instagram.com/avenue_31/p/CubyawjygHD/?img_index=1
maybe its just my immature mind, you be the judge
Autopian, give this man a job!
Rim? Hand?
You gotta be more specific.
Either or would be a great end to this work week
I did a quick look and found this on a Reddit Tesla post:
“The wheels are forged wheels from Max Forged Wheels. A one man operation out of New York. I’m a bit of a beta tester on this finish but overall happy with them.”
Max Forged might be a good place to start. That’s on the center caps, too.
I did a quick look and found this on a Reddit Tesla post:
“The wheels are forged wheels from Max Forged Wheels. A one man operation out of New York. I’m a bit of a beta tester on this finish but overall happy with them.”
Max Forged might be a good place to start. That’s on the center caps, too.
Good lord my mom’s not gonna be thrilled with this one.
Obligatory
I think mine gave up on being shocked by my content looooooong ago lol
“Why isn’t David blogging today?”
“His mom grounded him for the dick wheel article”
Pray Elise isn’t showing the site to someone or you’ll be getting more “David!” texts
Ahh, as long as she’s not the Virgin Mary she’ll be ok. You and your brother had to come from somewhere, right? 🙂
Adoption?
Didn’t think of that!
Buuut, there still must have been a dick involved at some point in the process, right? 😉
Just like cheese & crackers, dick & balls are a classic combo. But no, the first half of the latter pairing is inessential, what with the miracles of not-so-modern technology.
Good lord my mom’s not gonna be thrilled with this one.
Obligatory
I think mine gave up on being shocked by my content looooooong ago lol
“Why isn’t David blogging today?”
“His mom grounded him for the dick wheel article”
Pray Elise isn’t showing the site to someone or you’ll be getting more “David!” texts
Ahh, as long as she’s not the Virgin Mary she’ll be ok. You and your brother had to come from somewhere, right? 🙂
Adoption?
Didn’t think of that!
Buuut, there still must have been a dick involved at some point in the process, right? 😉
Just like cheese & crackers, dick & balls are a classic combo. But no, the first half of the latter pairing is inessential, what with the miracles of not-so-modern technology.
There is a serious problem with these wheels in that they shrink in size at lower temperatures! 😉
“It’s shrinkage!”
☜╮(´ิ∀´ิ☜╮)
Terrible for fording rivers or winter driving.
There is a serious problem with these wheels in that they shrink in size at lower temperatures! 😉
“It’s shrinkage!”
☜╮(´ิ∀´ิ☜╮)
Terrible for fording rivers or winter driving.
Next do a deep dive on the teddy bear wheels
Too bad they are only 14″. I saw on Stanceworks that someone took a set and machined them to accept 3-piece lips and barrels. Very cool.
You could lie and tell everyone they’re 17 inches.
“No, you’re supposed to measure to the outside of the tire!”
Next do a deep dive on the teddy bear wheels
Too bad they are only 14″. I saw on Stanceworks that someone took a set and machined them to accept 3-piece lips and barrels. Very cool.
You could lie and tell everyone they’re 17 inches.
“No, you’re supposed to measure to the outside of the tire!”
The scary thing is that this shows that there are two different types of dick wheels. The pink ones have straight “spokes” while the others are curved. The shape of the part where it attaches to the center is also different.
Maybe if the seller ever gets back to you they will be willing to share some pictures of the back side. It is common to find some information cast in though often it is just the size and offset and doesn’t include the part number of mfg name.
Never thought I’d think about wheels dressing to the left or right, but here we are.
The scary thing is that this shows that there are two different types of dick wheels. The pink ones have straight “spokes” while the others are curved. The shape of the part where it attaches to the center is also different.
Maybe if the seller ever gets back to you they will be willing to share some pictures of the back side. It is common to find some information cast in though often it is just the size and offset and doesn’t include the part number of mfg name.
Never thought I’d think about wheels dressing to the left or right, but here we are.
I figured they were from the early days of Dick Cepek wheels.
It’ll be a long, hard plunge into the ass-end of the internet to get a release of the information you seek!
I figured they were from the early days of Dick Cepek wheels.
It’ll be a long, hard plunge into the ass-end of the internet to get a release of the information you seek!
This article took a lot hard research.
I feel shafted by the lack of a solid conclusion.
are you suggesting he posted pre-maturely?
Maybe he has Editorial Dysfunction.
Maybe, but his diction stands up to scrutiny.
or scrotiny, even
This article took a lot hard research.
I feel shafted by the lack of a solid conclusion.
are you suggesting he posted pre-maturely?
Maybe he has Editorial Dysfunction.
Maybe, but his diction stands up to scrutiny.
or scrotiny, even
I’m just surprised my jobs firewall didn’t block this article based on the title, but hey I’m here!
I’m just surprised my jobs firewall didn’t block this article based on the title, but hey I’m here!
Huh. Usually with Teslas the dicks are on the inside.
COTD!!!
Old BMW joke referencing Porcupines
Yup. Sometimes low-hanging fruit is the sweetest, though.
Got ’em right in the plums with this one.
Huh. Usually with Teslas the dicks are on the inside.
COTD!!!
Old BMW joke referencing Porcupines
Yup. Sometimes low-hanging fruit is the sweetest, though.
Got ’em right in the plums with this one.