Why Does Everyone Seem To Want Rezvani’s Customers Dead?

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Remember Rezvani? They started out making sleekly-rebodied Ariel Atoms way back in 2015, and over the years seem to have migrated into a very different market than making light, exciting track-oriented cars. Now, their entire lineup seems to be cars designed for people who are in constant fear for their lives.

I’m not kidding – out of eight different Rezvani models, half offer some sort of armor and/or “security” features. Plus, the whole reason I’m writing this in the first place is because I got a PR email from Rezvani about their new Arsenal SUV (which seems to be based on the GM platform that underpins the Escalade/Tahoe/Yukon), that “boasts the most advanced composite armor accessible to civilians.” Who is Rezvani’s target buyer, and why do so many people seem to want them dead?

I mean, I get that there are situations that need armored vehicles because the people or stuff inside them are actual targets for violence, for any number of reasons. Heads of state, Brinks trucks full of cash, people who say dumb shit online about things they don’t know about  (you know, like me, when it comes to armored vehicles), celebrities in the telemarketing community, all these types of situations I suspect have plenty of reasons to need armored, high-security vehicles.

But is that who Rezvani is selling these cars to? Look, here’s the Rezvani lineup, with their options for people who think other people want them dead highlighted:

Rez Lineup Scaled Stroke Pv

That’s a lot of armored cars. And these names! Arsenal, Vengeance, Tank, Hercules – we get it, Rezvani, you mean business or whatever. I’m going to guess one of the offered weapons isn’t the concept of subtlety. These are armored luxury SUVs, not necessarily targeted at heads of state or deposed royalty or anything like that, just for, I guess, deeply paranoid rich people. Listen to these security and armor features of the new Arsenal:

“ARSENAL offers option of composite armor rated to B6 level.  This level of armor is known for its high resistance and protective capabilities.  This provides protection from assault rifles such as AR15 and AK47 ammunition along with armor piercing rounds. Traditionally, ballistic steel has to be used to achieve this level of protection adding a tremendous mount of weight to the vehicle. However Rezvani’s new advanced composite armor weighs 1/3 the weight of its equivalent steel counterpart while maintaining the same ballistics rating that steel used to provide. This weight savings can equate to over 1,000 lbs of weight. This is the most advanced  armor on a vehicle  offered to civilians.  Arsenal’s composite armor provides a reliable and robust layer of protection, ensuring safety in high-risk situations. Until now composite armor was limited to B4 Level in civilian armored vehicles.”

I mean, this is all impressive. Well, hold on, let me look up what the hell B6 level is because the truth is I don’t really know. I’ve been punched in the face before, a few times, but so far I’ve never had to worry about armor-piercing rounds from anything named for two letters and two numbers, so I’ll admit I’m ignorant. Give me a moment here to educate myself.

Rezarsenal Rear

Ah! Okay, so to really, really simplify it, it seems that B4 level would protect against being shot at with most types of handguns, while B6 level will also protect against shots fired from rifles and larger weapons like that. So, B4 may be fine if a cowboy is shooting at you with their six-shooter, pardner, but you’ll want B6 if, uh, Rambo crawls out of a manhole with an AK and tries to waste your sorry ass.

Again, I’m sure a ton of engineering went into this and yes it’s impressive and all that. Yes, yes, amazing stuff. Rezvani is only making 100 of these, which just makes me even more fascinated about who they’re trying to sell these to. These start at $225,000, so we know it’s rich people. And it’s rich people that aren’t just afraid of, you know, crime, because I think the B4 level of armor would likely handle most opportunistic armed robberies, right? This thing is armored for sniper rifles and AKs, which is a definite step up in the trying to kill you arena.

So, it’s for rich people very convinced that there are people who really, really want them dead. Not just people who want them dead, but maybe whole organizations of people who want them dead, with budgets for weapons and complex plans to attack people while they’re driving around.

Why do these groups want potential Rezvani customers to be so dead? What did the potential Rezvani buyers ever do to them? Are potential Rezvani buyers so loathsome, or do they just, deep down, want to believe they’re so loathsome that people will go to extraordinary lengths to kill them?

I suppose that may be the key here; this could be a status thing. When you get bored with just showing the world how much money you have, where do you go? I guess you go to showing the world that lots of people would love to see you dead? That’s a pretty big flex, I suppose.

The showiness of it all is also why I think these are more about the idea that someone wants you dead instead of the grim reality of that situation. Actual armored vehicles used by people who genuinely might get killed, like this boring-looking Jetta we featured here before, seek to not draw attention to themselves because that’s part of being secure: not being noticed in the first place. That’s very different than what Rezvani is doing.

You can impress the honeys of your preferred gender at the bars by having them guess what you and Archduke Ferdinand have in common – people would love to kill you both! But the difference here is Archduke Ferdinand was a chump who let it happen and started WWI while you’re far more savvy and have a car that can stop a small militia and has supple otter-leather seats.

Rez Ars Front
[Ed note: Hold up, I know exactly who this thing is for. Tap the pic. – Pete]
Rezvani is definitely selling something here, and I don’t really believe it’s protection against AK47 attacks. I mean, are these being sold to Mexican drug cartel people? The cartel guys seem to use much more crude and brutal vehicles than the refined, luxurious machines Rezvani offers, so I don’t think that’s their market. I think it’s the sense of self-importance that comes from the illusion that you’re so important, whole squads of assault rifle-bearing people will be coming at you, at potentially any moment.

This feels like a strange state of mind to be in. But, if there’s 100 people who feel this way, Rezvani will have exactly what they need, so I guess I hope your new Arsenal brings you joy, rich weirdos.

 

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89 thoughts on “Why Does Everyone Seem To Want Rezvani’s Customers Dead?”

  1. There is a real and solid market for vehicles with a protection package. It’s mostly south of the border though.

    Plenty of localities in Latin America have endemic carjacking & abduction problems. There is a solid need for a protection not against RPGs and movie-grade stuff, but mostly from handguns.

    A good number of localities in the US are having a similar problem too. This is not to be underestimated. It’s not about repelling a Stinger shot. It’s about getting out of the way after an angry clip is emptied in the driver’s door when you refuse to open it.

    BMW still sells a Protection package, me think. Way below an armored car grade, but way lighter too. Can sustain a few shots of light arms, enough to give you the few seconds needed to blast away.

    The real meat is not in heavily armored head of state level vehicles, but in more run of the mill vehicles that offer some level of protection (glass, side panels, tires), without adding another 1000lb to the package.

    Where these guys fit in that picture is less clear, as they advertise on real “armor”. Probably fleet vehicles – limo companies and such, where this can be marketed as am upgrade. I doubt many private owners will show up, but as long as there’s noise made around these things, fleets might buy a few.

    1. Naaa we have our own armored vehicles production here, with great quality and most important … not blatanly conspicuos, you see a vehicle like that on the roads of guanajuato and by the noon you will meet your ancestors, even dru lords prefer ford raptors, even porche cayenes, mean if you have your own army why put a target on your head? , maybe some medium heads but never a real lord.

      1. Indeed, what I was pointing at. These things are not fitting anywhere in the real market except in flashy rentals/limos in the US, which is a market OK enough.

    2. Regarding carjackings and “A good number of localities in the US are having a similar problem too.”
      Sort of.
      Yes, carjackings are up across seven cities from 3000 (in 2020) to 3713 (in 2022), or up over that 2-year period by 24%.
      https://www.cbsnews.com/news/auto-thefts-carjackings-major-u-s-cities-spike-new-report/
      (I couldn’t find the link to their original raw data.)

      But, a larger country-wide data set shows that the overall rates are very low, and lower than they’ve been historically.

      https://bjs.ojp.gov/carjacking-victimization-1995-2021
      Shows that the overall rate (per 100,000) did go up from 0.0979 (in 2020) to 0.1163 (in 2021), up by 19%.
      However this is kind of fear-mongering from the news, since the rate has been in decline for many years. It was up slightly between 2020 to 2021/2022, but it was much much higher in the past! The carjacking rate per 100,000 was 0.1546 in 2014, 0.3110 in 2001, and an astonishing 0.5314 per 100,000 in 1995!! Wow, every city must have looked like Escape from New York back in 1995!! Carjackings were 542% worse in 1995 than in 2020!!! Oh the humanity!

      Low rates mean that small fluctuations show up as large relative percentage changes, but it doesn’t mean that we have anything to be worried about.

  4. “…deeply paranoid rich people…” plus with delusions about their importance. “Of course they want to kill me, because I’m me!”

    Also rich guys playing the game of Who Has the Most Outlandish Waste of Money Toys?

  5. “…deeply paranoid rich people…” plus with delusions about their importance. “Of course they want to kill me, because I’m me!”

    Also rich guys playing the game of Who Has the Most Outlandish Waste of Money Toys?

  6. Has anyone seen “The Terminal List”? They have a character who uses a Rezvani in that show and he seems like exactly the demographic Torch is talking about.

  7. Has anyone seen “The Terminal List”? They have a character who uses a Rezvani in that show and he seems like exactly the demographic Torch is talking about.

  10. I recall an article years ago about tactical Suburban with a roof mount .50cal. It was unarmored because the the manufacturer said that gives you more incentive to rectify the situation (I’m assuming using the roof mount .50cal). Ma deuce.

    1. That sounds a lot like an old Car and Driver story I remember, with a couple of tweaks:
      1 – The gun was a real, multi-barrel mini gun, not just a .50 cal M2, mounted in the rear cargo area under a “quick release” fiberglass roof, and
      2- The floor was open slats, to keep the gunner from being buried in all of the shell casings.

      Here’s John Philips reminiscing about it, among other things:

      https://www.caranddriver.com/features/columns/a15094837/john-phillips-odd-situations-ive-been-in-at-c-d-column/

  11. I recall an article years ago about tactical Suburban with a roof mount .50cal. It was unarmored because the the manufacturer said that gives you more incentive to rectify the situation (I’m assuming using the roof mount .50cal). Ma deuce.

    1. That sounds a lot like an old Car and Driver story I remember, with a couple of tweaks:
      1 – The gun was a real, multi-barrel mini gun, not just a .50 cal M2, mounted in the rear cargo area under a “quick release” fiberglass roof, and
      2- The floor was open slats, to keep the gunner from being buried in all of the shell casings.

      Here’s John Philips reminiscing about it, among other things:

      https://www.caranddriver.com/features/columns/a15094837/john-phillips-odd-situations-ive-been-in-at-c-d-column/

  16. This is the automotive equivalent of putting your thumbs in your ears, waggling your fingers and sticking out your tongue at the world. Nah, nah, nah, nah you can’t hurt me.

  17. This is the automotive equivalent of putting your thumbs in your ears, waggling your fingers and sticking out your tongue at the world. Nah, nah, nah, nah you can’t hurt me.

    2. I’m surprised Tesla doesn’t offer lab-grown Musk penis leather. Though if they had it they probably wouldn’t tell you they’d used it.

    3. Nah… our supplies of whale penis skins are on backorder.

      But we can get you a GREAT deal on this one in stock with an Incel-penis interior… which is practically as nice!.

    2. I’m surprised Tesla doesn’t offer lab-grown Musk penis leather. Though if they had it they probably wouldn’t tell you they’d used it.

    3. Nah… our supplies of whale penis skins are on backorder.

      But we can get you a GREAT deal on this one in stock with an Incel-penis interior… which is practically as nice!.

  22. From what I’ve heard of Rezvani they are a total shit show. Poor customer support, dangerous defects, failed features and so-so quality. Maybe the up armoring is for the employees

    2. That’s what I’ve heard, as well. Someone in the Regular Car Reviews subreddit was better able to describe to me what distinguishes these from proper, mostly-discreet armored cars.

      I seem to recall also seeing somewhere about someone getting in an accident and waiting forever for repairs, albeit I suppose that’s expected and possibly reasonable.

  23. From what I’ve heard of Rezvani they are a total shit show. Poor customer support, dangerous defects, failed features and so-so quality. Maybe the up armoring is for the employees

    2. That’s what I’ve heard, as well. Someone in the Regular Car Reviews subreddit was better able to describe to me what distinguishes these from proper, mostly-discreet armored cars.

      I seem to recall also seeing somewhere about someone getting in an accident and waiting forever for repairs, albeit I suppose that’s expected and possibly reasonable.

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