Why Torture Yourself With A Cheap S-Class When You Can Just Buy 19 Feet Of Lincoln?

Gg Lincoln Continental Mark V
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If you’ve ever thumbed through the used car classifieds, an old Mercedes-Benz S-Class, BMW 7 Series, or Audi A8 may seem mighty tempting. After all, where else can you get so much space, tech, and comfort for such little money? Well, there’s a reason why these vehicles depreciate so quickly, and the hammer of reality hits in the form of repair bills.

Thankfully, there’s an antidote to the old German flagship luxury sedan maintenance train of wallet-crushing pain and misery, and that solution is 19 feet of Lincoln.

Yes, there used to be a time when America made astonishing, monumental luxury cars, and many of these grand specimens have survived to become bonafide classics. However, classic status doesn’t always mean big money, and you can buy a leisure suit Lincoln for the price of a heavily-depreciated Mercedes-Benz S-Class.

What Are We Looking At?

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From the turn of the ’70s through 1979, Lincoln made some of the biggest and greatest sedans and coupes ever to grace American roads. We’re talking velour-lined machines frequently measuring in over the 19-foot mark, vehicles magnificent enough to make most used S-Classes seem a bit common.

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In an S-Class, you can run over the gnarliest expansion joints on the planet and not feel anything. In 19 feet of Lincoln, you can run over a water buffalo and not feel anything. That’s because the suspension is only there to make the car comfortable, meaning it has more dive than a Guy Fieri show, more roll than a Texas Roadhouse franchise, and more pitch than the Europa League. This genre of car is as close as you can get to a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier with license plates, and if that isn’t perfect for pockmarked stretches of interstate, I don’t know what is.

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Sure, you can get a fast S-Class rocking an AMG badge, but you know what 19 feet of Lincoln has? Something called BFC — big freakin’ cubes. Aside from the 1979 Mark V, these Lincolns were available with a 460 cubic-inch 385-series big-block V8, and the aftermarket is ready, willing, and able to hop these up to whatever horsepower goal you could possibly want. You can build one of these engines out to 500 horsepower at home without forced induction or streetability sacrifices, or go all-out and let it eat. The only thing you’ll have trouble passing is a gas station.

While Mercedes-Benz had its Designo division for upgraded interior trimmings, 19 feet of Lincoln can give you Cartier, Givenchy … real luxury stuff. See, the Mark-series Lincolns used to have Designer Series models, where Lincoln would offer special color and trim combinations with the names of actual designers. Think Virgil Abloh Maybach, but make it old.

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Want a different personality, or even your first personality? An S-Class won’t fix that, but 19 feet of Lincoln and the right set of shades will. Has your sex life gone stale? Fire up 19 feet of Lincoln and take your partner or polycule to the nearest drive-in, then blame getting kicked out for lewd behavior on the bench front seat. Some might think that street parking 19 feet of Lincoln might be a problem, but the sheer horizontal surface area means you can probably create parking for 13 more cars overtop of one Lincoln. We’re talking about the last true stand of American excess after the fuel crisis of 1973, true statement vehicles for those who want to be seen.

How Expensive Are We Talking?

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So, what does one of these slabs of excellence cost? Well, if you want a car near the top of the market and are okay with a mere 400 cubic inches, this 1979 Continental Mark V just sold on Bring A Trailer for $20,000 and it only has 39,000 miles on the clock. We’re talking about an immaculate slice of Americana for the price of a well-used S-Class, and if that isn’t a tempting deal, I don’t know what is.

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Live in California and don’t want to deal with the hassle of smogging a post-1975 car? No worries. This 1973 Lincoln Mark IV with the big-block V8 and just 32,000 miles on the clock sold on Bring A Trailer back in January for just $7,200. I repeat, $7,200! That’s about $378.78 per linear foot of car. At that price, you legitimately can’t lose.

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However, what if two doors simply won’t do for you? What if you’re the type of person who needs four? Well, check this out. Here’s a 1977 Lincoln Continental Town Car that sold on Bring A Trailer in November for $9,700. From a physical standpoint alone, that’s so much car for the money.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong With 19 Feet Of Lincoln?

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Unlike a used S-Class, these Lincolns have no electronically controlled air suspension with adaptive damping, no expensive radar-guided cruise control sensor, no complex massaging seats, and no GPS navigation system. However, don’t take that to mean that these Lincolns are spartan. Expect automatic climate control, an available digital trip computer, more ashtrays than you can handle, and the respect of powerful octogenarians across the country. Now that’s first-class stuff.

Oh, and because they’re Fords, general parts for these Lincolns are cheap and plentiful. Don’t be surprised to see front brake discs for around $30 apiece, spark plugs for less than $2 apiece, shocks for $25 apiece, and reputable tires for less than $120 each. I don’t know about you, but that seems a hell of a lot better than S-Class maintenance, and while these Lincolns may suffer from old car fluid and vacuum leaks, they’re typically cheap to fix and easy to diagnose, even at home. How about that?

Is It A Good Idea To Buy 19 Feet Of Lincoln?

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So long as you’re okay with pumping a whole lot of gas, 19 feet of Lincoln will give you a true luxury experience, the maintenance costs of an old domestic sedan, and a rolling talking point wherever you may go. It’s definitely a better sort of used flagship to buy than a used S-Class, and so long as you’re going for smiles-per-gallon, this sort of car can gobble up decaying North American infrastructure like nobody’s business. So if you’re suffering from the used German luxury car blues, ask your mechanic if 19 feet of Lincoln is right for you.

(Photo credits: Bring A Trailer)

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83 thoughts on “Why Torture Yourself With A Cheap S-Class When You Can Just Buy 19 Feet Of Lincoln?”

  1. Land yachts are the greatest party cars. I dailied an orange 76 Eldorado convertible for a couple of years and have never had so much fun. I sold it to buy a wedding ring.

  3. Great and fun writing, thanks. And I learned a new word, polycule. I can’t wait to drop that one at a party. I hope no one asks the size of my polycule because it is embarrassingly small.

  4. As a teenager in the 80’s I wrenched on these. The engine was so far behind the grille that you had to lay across the fan shroud to reach anything.

  5. I always think of my high school swim team coach when I see these. He was paraplegic and loved the two door land yachts with the 5 foot doors. He said these were the easiest to make the transfer from the chair to the seat because of the wide space and low ground height…. And there was plenty of room in the trunk for the chair. He would not have liked the crossover era… Although he may have liked mini vans

  6. Was it common in the day of the land yacht to have a garage that could fit this thing?

    My “long side” of the garage maxes out like a half foot short of this thing. Owning one of these is cool, but parking it outside is an insult to a survivor.

    1. Most attached garages built since the 70’s are at least 20′ deep. Mine is a bit less, but I used to park a late-90’s Chevy K-1500 “extra cab”- with less than two inches of room in front and behind.
      Garages built before WW2 are a crap shoot.

  7. Great article, but the correct Lincoln Mk years to choose from are 1969-1972. Even though some of them were only 18 feet long. I’ll brook no disagreement.

  8. I swear y’all are literally reading my mind lately! Ha ha…no, seriously…I want a 79 Mark V so bad…but especially this coincidence: I just recently had a rental car issue w/ a tire and then days later you ask about rental cars and how it went. I’m not complaining at all either! This is why I’m glued to this site

  9. I have always loved these. Never mind the the plastic filler on the upper front bumper flipped up and down in the wind in my rear view mirror when these were just a few years old. I’ve come around to these looking OK with out the tacky oval opera window. Now the ones that had the fake carriage roof treatment, like the Bill Blass edition, were forgiven automatically. Never before has a more convincing fake convertible top up look has been achieved on a car. The collector series was just weird to me. Twice the price and no oval opera windows .Plus tacky gold trim everywhere. Those seats look mighty comfy, though!

  13. Haha, awesome! Honestly a fuel injection swap can up your gas mileage a fair bit on old V8 stuff and is pretty cheap (when you consider what you’re getting) with modern carb replacement kits around.

    1. Yes, this for sure. You can pick up a lot of power and economy on any 70s smogged V8 by doing two things: 1) re-tune the fuel delivery to run leaner (fuel injection is the pinnacle of this idea) 2) set initial ignition timing and re-curve the distributor mechanical advance to pre-1972 specs. It won’t quite make mid-60s muscle car power because of the low compression and mild cam timing, but it’ll be way closer than you’d think, and all without changing any engine internals.

  14. EV swap one of these yachts. Buy a smog one that isn’t running. Rip out the old boat anchor, which is all a smog 460 is good for. Swap in a Tesla rear drivetrain. Probably the pack from some older EV would fit under the floor between the frame rails. And, you wanna frunk? Open wide because under that seven or so feet of hood will be the biggest sedan frunk ever.

    Now that is a glorious deathtrap.

    1. A former 1978 Town Car owner here. Land boating is correct way to look at it and appreciate them. The fuel mileage while horrendous is not so bad in that context. The handling fits that perspective, but hides no sudden surprises in there for the helmsman.
      Mine died of extreme frame rust after 20 years of salt exposure.
      Some days I still miss the comfort, sometimes I’d arrive home and not want to bother to get out.

      1. I had a neighbor growing up who was a handyman, and he used a series of beater 70’s Town Cars as his pickup truck. I always loved seeing them.

  18. The one to actually get is the Town Coupe, which avoids the awkward (to my eyes) Mark styling but preserves the coolness of two doors.

    A few years ago I could have bought a green on green ’77 Town Coupe with cushioned velour seats for basically nothing, and missed my chance. One of my automotive regrets.

    2. 75 is the way to go….electronic ignition, duel cats easily punched out but dont have to smog it. Mark lV is the way to go really though.

      My 76 Mark lV had 4 wheel disc brakes factory duel pipes with traction lok rear end with anti lock brakes…..Blue with white leather interior. Even smogged down the 460 had loads of torque and with a shift kit the C6 could bark the tires 1-2.

  19. Having owned 20’+ of ’71 Coupe deVille, I couldn’t agree more. Nothing better than a two door coupe with six foot doors that weigh probably 200lbs each.

    Potholes and railroad crossings, for all intents and purposes don’t exist. Large sidewall and compliant suspension make everything disappear.

    Nothing but non-stop thumbs up and stories at every light, gas station and parking lot. People can hate on a Benz, but no one hates on a land yacht. Even better if it’s in a classic color. Mine was Duchess Gold with white vinyl halo top and the gold brocade.

  20. As a former 77 Continental owner I can tell you they are the superior choice vs the Mark V. They drive better in pretty much every way.

    The Mark V always seemed like the automotive equivalent of a baked potato in your pants.

    2. “The Mark V always seemed like the automotive equivalent of a baked potato in your pants.”

      I am completely at a loss for how 19 feet of Lincoln could visually equate to a hot pantload.

  22. Do you guys actually check your copy for errors or just throw shit against the wall and hope nobody notices?…..the second picture is NOT from a Mark V, it is from a pre 78 Town Car or Continental…..(the strip speedo give it away).

    And for fucks sake CA does not require smog checks for cars 1975 and older. So which is it, are you guys young, dumb, lazy or all three? The worst part are the lemmings that think you guys know your shit.

      1. Yeah, the author. I fucking hate lazy, yet really opinionated idiots like some of these editors are. Maybe they will take a few extra minutes to do a better job next time.

      1. LOL, ok you are indeed right….BUT the first pic is of a white Mark V right? The article is talking about a Mark V right? The very next picture is of a WHITE Lincoln, you can tell by the door jams. So you seriously think it was not a boner to put that pic there? If you do that is certainly your right……but why carry their water for them? And what about the moronic assertion that one has to smog 73 and later cars in CA?

            1. Calm down Sparky. You’re always so angry. You’re mad from the jump, and then you just get madder when people don’t share your immense outrage. You must be really fun at parties.

        2. The article is talking about full size Lincolns from the ‘70s. It discusses various things, including power trains on offer, the Designer Series, and both 2-doors and 4-doors. The pictures are not directly referenced.

          I didn’t bring up the smog thing because you’re right, it is 1975. Congratulations, you found a legitimate mistake, but why be so salty?

          1. Because I see mistakes like this all the time on this site and when one DARES to point them out, the assholes come out and say it does not matter. BTW, they edited the 1973 to 1975 a while ago and did not say a word. Just Jr varsity type shit.

            1. Nonsense. I, along with others, have pointed out mistakes, and the writers have acknowledged the mistakes and corrected them. I would say the writer should acknowledge the smog year error here.

              What are your thoughts on commentators who don’t carefully read an article before firing off angry-sounding responses? You have a problem with them?

        3. The very next picture is of a WHITE Lincoln, you can tell by the door jams.

          I don’t usually do this, but for some reason I feel compelled right now.

          The correct term is “door jambs”.

          Unless, of course, you plan to serve them on toast.

  24. Funny you mention a “cheap S-Class”, because my neighbor across the cul-de-sac is trying to sweet-talk me into buying his 1997 S 500 Coupe. Or maybe I’m trying to sweet-talk myself into buying it, just because I know he wants to part with it. Either way, as far as I can tell, it was the best car available for any money at the time. It’ll cost substantially less than the $20,000 your BaT example fetched, and will probably be comfortably under $10,000.

    I just…I don’t know, I never liked these big 70s American Land Yachts. They look so bloated and ill-proportioned. Because it’s already such a long car, FoMoCo couldn’t lengthen the wheelbase, so it just tacked an extra 2 feet of length to the front of the car. Ick. To say nothing of trying to park the thing. I see why they called them personal-luxury coupes; it was a luxury to have something that took up such a large footprint, but with so little usable interior space.

    To my eyes, the first good-looking American PLCs in a while were the downsized ones: the ’79-’85 E-Bodies (Toronado, Riviera, Eldorado)…which, incidentally, were the last cars to have GM’s longitude-FWD “Unified Powerplant Package” setup. In fact, my first car ride ever was in Grandma’s ’85 Riviera with the 307. The ’81-’83 Imperial also looked handsome, if not as effortlessly so as the aforementioned E-bodies. And FoMoCo got it right, finally, with the aero-styled Fox-body PLCs (’83-’92 for the T-Bird and Cougar, ’86 – ’92 for the Mark VII)

    1. I once sold a car to a neighbor and regretted it. Not only did I have to pass by my old baby every day parked in front of someone else’s house, but he came back to bug me about problems with the car after the sale (even though they were caused by the new owner).

    1. American cars really were large, even into the nineties. I was looking at a 1997 Buick Riviera Supercharged, which has an overall length of 207.5″. That’s within spitting distance of the recently discontinued Rolls-Royce Wraith, which measures 208.5″ bow to stern (the new Spectre is 215.6″).

      Interestingly, the Eldorado/ETC was tidier, at roughly 200″ in length.

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