Happy Friday, Autopians! Today is gonna be a weird one. I got a recommendation from a reader down under about a really wild Holden, and I tried to find something equally as crazy stateside. Did I succeed? That’s for you to decide.
Yesterday’s convertibles ended up being closer than I thought, actually. The Dodge held its ground pretty well against that retro-Bird. And I guess it’s no surprise which one I would pick. As a card-carrying member of Gen X (who am I kidding? We can’t be bothered to make cards), I’d rather have real 1980s nostalgia than fake 1950s nostalgia any day. I hated Grease, I hated Happy Days, and I hate the eleventh-generation Thunderbird.
But the majority of you preferred it, and that’s fine. And the “no K-cars no way no how” brigade was out in force in the comments, and that’s fine too. Use your freedom of choice, as the song says.
I got a suggestion for a matchup from reader Tinibone on our Discord server, who wanted to see a matchup between this crazy six-wheeled Holden ute and a Daihatsu Midget II. But I’ve already featured a Midget, so I wanted to see what else I could find here in the US that would be as ridiculous a matchup. Craigslist came through for me again – here’s the ute, and what I found.
1979 Holden HZ 2-Tonner – $15,000 Australian
Engine/drivetrain: 4.2 liter overhead valve V8, five-speed manual, RWD
Location: Tawonga, Victoria, Australia
Odometer reading: 257,000 kilometers
Operational status: Runs and drives well
All right, bear with me: I had to do some research on this beast, and hopefully I got it right enough to be in the ballpark. Australia’s two-letter model codes are a little weird, but as far as I can tell, they coincide with typical US one-letter chassis codes, but also change from generation to generation. The Holden HZ roughly equates to our General Motors A-body, later renamed the G-body: rear-wheel-drive, body-on-frame, and powered by a variety of six and eight cylinder engines. The HZ came in all the usual bodystyles, as well as a ute (equivalent to an El Camino) and a cab/chassis, which could be fitted with a flatbed or anything else that’s required, much like pickup trucks can be here.
This Holden left the factory as a one-ton cab/chassis, with a single rear axle. The additional rear axle was added aftermarket, and isn’t powered; it’s just there to increase the weight-carrying ability. Spread the load out over more contact patches, and you can carry heavier loads. It’s powered by a 253 cubic inch Holden V8, which is similar to, but not related to, the Chevy small-block V8. This one is backed by a T5 five-speed manual transmission and is said to run and drive well.
It’s funny how familiar this engine bay looks, and yet how unfamiliar. It’s obviously a slightly hot-rodded small V8, and I feel like I’d have no trouble finding my way around it. And yet, the brake master cylinder is on the “wrong” side, and the valve covers are closer in shape to a Ford Windsor than any American GM V8. Still, an engine is an engine, and the rumble of a V8 through tube headers sounds the same everywhere.
It obviously needs a little work; the interior is all right, though I see that cheap seat covers are a universal constant as well. Outside, it mainly needs paint, or you could just drive it as-is.
“1932 Ford” 3/4 Scale Kit Car – $6,500
Engine/drivetrain: 1.1 liter dual overhead cam V4, six-speed manual, RWD
Location: Blaine, WA
Odometer reading: unknown
Operational status: Runs and drives well
The 1932 Ford is the quintessential American hot rod. It was the first Ford to come with a flathead V8 engine, and ever since then, larger and more powerful V8s of all descriptions have ended up between its frame rails – after the fenders have been discarded, of course. It’s such a popular body style that many companies have made replicas of it over the years, including Chupp’s Hot Rods of Oregon City, which chose to recreate the ’32 Ford’s famous lines in 3/4 scale.
The Chupp’s kit seems to have been designed to be built using Datsun truck drivetrain parts, but the builder of this one went a different way, and installed a 1098cc V4 engine and six-speed gearbox from a Honda Magna V65 motorcycle. This little wonder puts out 116 horsepower through a six-speed gearbox – without reverse, of course, since it’s a motorcycle drivetrain. The seller says it’s “scary fast.” I don’t doubt it.
There’s not much to the interior, just a bench seat, a steering wheel, a cheap stereo, and a gear lever that I imagine only moves forward and back, selecting gears sequentially like the foot-operated shifter on a bike. Something I don’t see are seat belts of any description. Somehow, the seller got this thing titled and registered as a 1932 Ford, which took some creative DMV paperwork, I bet. But because of that, it’s exempt from any sort of safety regulations.
I’m glad that the seller included this photo of it parked next to a Toyota Prius, to show just how tiny this thing is. You wear this thing more than ride in it, it looks like. I can’t imagine driving this thing on any public road, let alone on a highway that would allow it to reach the speeds I have a feeling it’s capable of. And yet, somehow, it’s street-legal. And people worry about Japanese kei vehicles being unsafe.
So there they are: an Australian uber-ute with six wheels and a mini-me version of an American hot-rod icon. Car folks are the same no matter where you go, it seems; if it can be made faster or weirder or more dangerous, someone will do it, then think better of it and try to sell it. Which one of these bad ideas speaks to you?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Is that Ford safer than a motorcycle?
Yes, No, Maybe…
Maybe I’d want a helmet. And with a Honda bike engine, I could easily get it serviced at a local bike shop.
But it’d sure be a heck of a fun toy to have on a sunny weekend that takes up less space than the average car.
I seriously doubt any Honda dealer would touch that car. You’d at least likely be able to find engine parts for it though.
Not to be stereotypical of Australian motor vehicles, but that thing is throwing off some serious Mad Max vibes. I want it!
Ok, gimme the UTE. I’m gonna pony up my dollary-doos for some craziness. At least I could drive it.
That 3/4 kit car? Nope. Too small. First time on the road and they’ll be scraping me off the side of an F150.
Or out from under the front left fender with a spatula.
Everyone seems to be looking for a both button today, but I’m looking for a “HELL NO, I’ll walk” button for both.
The V65 Magna is a surprising bike, because it doesn’t look fast, but it IS. I’ll bet that thing hauls ass.
And tough vote! I like both!
We need a both button again today. I eventually went down-unda because that looks as practical as it does cool but the gokart looks like a lot of fun too. I rode an old Honda Sabre with that same V4, it IS crazy fast but more importantly it made the most wonderful noises. Definitely recommend…
Both of these look like they would become the burden of my life.
I’m going with the Holden because I want to live.
The Holden is awesome but has too many miles and is too dang ugly. Its best days are behind it.
The Ford is cleaner and would be much more fun to drive.
I would meet my demise within minutes of starting the death kart but boy would I enjoy those minutes and go out with a shit eating grin on my face. That being said the fact that it’s street legal seems like a systematic failure to me lol. It should be no where near our brodozer infested public roads.
Yeah, my thoughts too.
Depending on the bro-y-ness of said dozer, the deuce may fit under it.
I have previously ranted about my hatred of kit cars so the other vehicle wins by default today.
However, I genuinely like the Holden. I didn’t know vehicles like this existed. I have always thought utes were cool. A car-based heavy duty flatbed takes the ute concept and turns it up to 11. I would prefer if it had a single rear axle, but I would have a hard time not buying this if it were for sale in Florida for 10k freedom bucks.
We got plenty of those (they’re called one tonners), but are now much more expensive, a mint one will set you back like 50-70k Aud
I want to drive that little Ford so bad. I think I’d wear a motorcycle helmet and gloves to do so.
I mean, you’d still be dead, but a full helmet would at least keep your face recognisable, which would save the pathologist some work, as they’d be able to do a visual ID on your remains, so there’s that
“I’d rather have real 1980s nostalgia than fake 1950s nostalgia any day. I hated Grease, I hated Happy Days”
Yeah, no argument there. But presumably your hate doesn’t extend to American Graffiti? Otherwise, would you have included the “1932 Ford” given how such cars are so representative of 50s culture and nostaglia thereof? http://imcdb.org/i001042.jpg
By the way, that film came out in 1973 which is just 11 years after the film’s setting of 1962. Hard to imagine a similar film coming out today waxing so nostaglic for 2013.
I’ve seen American Graffiti, and I kinda remember it, but I don’t associate ’32 Fords with it specifically. Generally, ’32s are kind of like cheeseburgers: it’s an uninspired choice, but a classic one. You can’t go too far wrong, but it’s hard to make it special, because anything you can think of has already been done. Including pointing a shrink-ray at it, apparently.
Really? The bright yellow street rod (John Milner’s car) was a ’32 Ford.
It was a pretty big part of the movie, including the scene near the end where Milner raced whatshisname (played by Harrison Ford) in the black ’55 Chevy.
Yeah, imcdb.org gives that ’32 Ford five stars, the highest rating, meaning it’s inextricably part of the film. Imcdb’s five-star ratings are typically used for vehicles such as Max Rockatansky’s ’73 Ford Falcon in Mad Max, Kowalski’s ’70 Dodge Challenger in Vanishing Point, the Bandit’s ’77 Trans Am in Smokey and the Bandit, etc, etc.
http://imcdb.org/vehicle_1042-Ford-V8-18-1932.html
I usually go for the semi practical truck or off-roader in these matchups- I am blessed/burdened by enough machinery in my daily life and business that it’s hard to justify any more motorized vehicles unless they earn their keep- Even my snowmobile is a workhorse.
That said… Hot damn, do I ever want to slam through the gears on that 3/4 Ford. We’re basically talking about a road legal shifter cart with over 100hp… Sweet Jesus I bet that thing is visceral. I’d want to beef up the cage and wear a helmet personally, but if you’re gonna build a toy, this is how you do it.
Death-kart, please!
I like the Holden but I am very partial to small, rowdy vehicles. (Imagine that) For a long time I’ve had a rough design in my head for installing a Yamaha V-Max engine in the back of a VW Beetle, so this would be a nice stepping stone.
The decklid is vented near the intake but it probably could use some louvers for engine cooling. Speaking of intake, there are no filters or stacks or anything on the carbs – don’t drive in a dusty area.
Fun fact: on the large Goldwing touring motorcycles, Honda created an electric reverse that used the starter motor. Also fun: most Goldwings use a flat-four engine. (I believe some have a flat-six.) It’s entirely possible that a Goldwing drivetrain would fit into the Chubb: it would provide a nice, torquey power delivery, would run forever, and then the kit car would have reverse.
The first thing that popped into my head re: the Holden is “Screw a rooftop tent – this thing is an ideal setup for hammocking”.
Wait… can The Autopian buy the kart and place it next to the Berkeley? Call it the Motor-Pants Collection.
Ha, “Motor-Pants”, indeed. Now I’m wondering whether anyone has ever built a full-size replica of the eponymous trousers from Wallace and Gromit: The Wrong Trousers. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b3/WallaceandGromitinTheWrongTrousers.jpg
Hammocking?? Pah! It’s ripe for some kind of home-brewed Mad Max technical with a half track drive!
I was actually thinking about the possibility of jury-rigging a small electric motor to do reverse, only to find out Honda has beaten me to the punch lol
I wanna buy that Ford, find someone who owns the full scale version and swap the cars when he’s not looking. Then I’m gonna snatch his iPhone and replace it with an iPad. Then I’m going to watch as he spends the whole day trying to figure out what size he is.
I’d love the Ute and it’d be awesome to post up in the parking of my local U-pull yard, but man I want that mini roadster kit car in the worst way. Motorcycle powered cars are ALWAYS a win. ALWAYS.
I just can’t.
For those who are too lazy to google, the Holden is US$9715.
The Fauxrd would be a blast for parking lot autocrosses, but that’s about it. Taking the Holden on Home Depot/Lowes runs would be glorious, and overall, more useful. Holden wins.
Oh shoot, yeah, I meant to include the conversion. Thank you.
The awesomeness of a 6-wheeled Aussie ute can throw the best of us off our game.
Hell yeah I want the ute! No way I’d fit in that not a Ferd anyways, but even if I did, I’d want the ute!
Could be a both. Chuck the mini thing in the back of the ute and take it to some place flat with nothing to hit to have a chance of survival while hooning around.
That’s not a bad idea!
I would totally die in the first 5 minutes in that Ford, so I guess it’s the gargantuan ute, because I don’t quite feel like dying yet.
This was really difficult until I saw the mini 33 next to the Prius. It’s probably not any less protection than a motorcycle, but I feel like a bike would have a better chance of getting out of trouble, if you see it coming.
Plus, 6 wheel Holden!!!
I would totally fat man in a little coat that “32”
Tommy want wingy
Let’s see, no reverse, scaled down kit car vs. behemoth Holden. Definitely see a reverse gear on that Holden stick. I’m trying to imagine parking that kit car next to a RAM truck. It’d look like one of those tiny cars the Shriners drive in parades.
Since I want to live, I’ll go with the Mad Max-ian Holden. Can’t wait to see why Mark would pick the kit car. (Of course, the choice for the option today is inspired. Where the hell have you ever seen one of those?)
Pretty sure you could park the Fauxrd under a late model Ram. At least it would be in the shade.