Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown! I feel like I’ve been too easy on you all recently, choosing cars that, you know, run and drive and all. It’s been a bit since I subjected you to some truly stupid ideas. That changes today.
But first, let’s see how yesterday’s little Japanese fastbacks did. I had high hopes for the Storm, because I do love them so, but that trashed interior scared off too many of you, and the Prelude sailed to an easy win. Oh, and by the way, I know some of you said that color is actually blue, and Honda may call it blue, but on my monitor, that sucker’s purple.
Whatever color you call it, it’s probably the better deal. But the Geo Storm has been a car-crush of mine for a long time, and scruffy interior or not, I think I’d have to choose it, if faced with the choice between these two. Upholstery can be re-done, a dash top could become a quest, and Martini livery would liven up the white exterior nicely.
I don’t know what possessed me to choose today’s cars, but I suspect it might have something to do with music. Yesterday, I was walking through the shop at my day job, and someone had the stereo on, playing a Spotify playlist of 1980s pop hits, and I heard a song I haven’t heard in ages: “Crazy,” by the criminally-underrated Australian band Icehouse. “You gotta be crazy, baby,” go the lyrics, “to want a guy like me.” The line came back to me when I saw the ad for one of these cars, and then I remembered seeing something equally insane while poking around yesterday. So to quote another ’80s pop star: let’s go crazy.
1993 Mitsubishi 3000GT – $3,500
Engine/drivetrain: 5.3-liter overhead valve V8, six-speed manual (not installed), RWD
Location: Dallas, TX
Odometer reading: unknown
Runs/drives? Um, no
We seem to be dealing in tired automotive clichés this week, so let’s add another one: LS swaps. Yes, that’s right: this formerly V6-powered, front-wheel-drive Japanese coupe now sports a Chevy LS3 small-block V8 and a four-linked solid rear axle. The six-speed manual gearbox and custom-made driveshaft that are supposed to go between them are, at the moment, several yards away on the garage floor, along with everything else you might need to actually complete this Frankenstein’s monster.
This is major surgery: the original Mitsubishi V6 sat transversely in the engine bay, driving the front wheels–or possibly all four, though I can’t imagine anyone hacking up a rare twin-turbo 3000GT VR4 to do this. The seller didn’t do the work, either, it sounds like; they bought someone else’s project, and now they’re trying to foist it off on someone else. How well was the work done? What is the history of the donor engine? There’s no way to know unless you dive in.
To say that this project is not for the faint of heart is the understatement of the year. You will have to be an absolute wrenching god, and probably more than a little crazy, to pull it off. And I’m not quite sure I understand the point. 3000GTs are nice cars as-is–just ask our buddy Stephen Walter Gossin,who knows its sister model, the Dodge Stealth, inside and out. Why rip it all apart just to stuff a V8 where it doesn’t belong?
And yet, now that that ship has well and truly sailed, I’d like to see someone actually finish this car, just to see what it’s like. The LS is a hell of an engine, which is why it’s such a popular swap. But is this the right vessel for it? Would you just end up with a half-assed Japanese Camaro wannabe after all that hard work? Only one way to find out, I guess.
2006 Maserati Quattroporte – $1,700
Engine/drivetrain: 4.2 liter dual overhead cam V8, six-speed automated manual, RWD
Location: Winnetka, CA
Odometer reading: 75,000 miles
Runs/drives? Let’s just say it doesn’t do one eighty-five
Poor Maserati. The Italian automaker has built some absolutely magnificent cars over the decades, but here in America, they’re mostly remembered for a fragile twin-turbo nightmare and a gussied-up Chrysler LeBaron. After the TC debacle, Maserati left the US market for more than a decade. Since returning in 2002, the memory of the carburetor-fed Biturbo and the porthole-topped K-car have been pushed aside by a snarling 4.2 liter Ferrari-built V8 – but the dismal reliability and its resulting depreciation are the same as always.
In this flagship Quattroporte sedan, that Ferrari engine is backed by a six-speed “DuoSelect” automated manual transmission. I’ve been curious about clutchless manuals like this ever since they appeared, but I’ve never gotten to drive one. Apparently, there is an automatic mode, but what you’re really supposed to do is shift with the paddles on the steering wheel.
You won’t be able to do that with this Quattroporte, at least not without some work. It has no key, which is almost certainly an electronic fob that costs as much as the car is being sold for, and worse, no title, instead being supplied with lien paperwork. My guess is that the seller runs a towing company, towed the car away, and no one claimed it. How and why it ended up being towed is, of course, the real mystery, but I think it’s safe to say that this car has Seen Some Things.
And as if the non-running status and the lack of a key and a title weren’t enough, it has also suffered the indignity of a partial matte-black vinyl wrap. That, of course, will have to go. But it’s seventeen hundred bucks for a car with a Ferrari engine. Is that engine any good? Who knows? All I know is that its interior is really pretty and that V8 absolutely sings when it is running.
Obviously, either of these is a really, really stupid idea. So let’s be stupid for a minute. Imagine you have a well-stocked garage and just a little bit of madness. Which one of these hopeless causes intrigues you more?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
It would be a lot easier to finish that LS swap than it would be to sort out a lost title on a Maserati. No title = parts car. Of course, the 3000gt is basically a parts car.
Wow, TIL the 3000GT was front drive.
Anyway, this generation of Quattroporte is one of the prettiest sedans ever … especially in that color combination (minus the Con-Tact paper, of course). We’ll take the Maser and hope the transmission hasn’t exited the chat.
Maserati. If you can get it running, great! Keep it or sell it for more than you paid for it. The interior looks nice and I bet the paint would look good after some polishing and of course, the removal of that wrap. And if you get a key that works and find every warning lamp illuminated and the damn thing in limp mode? Part it out, you can at least make your money back.
Of course, the resale value is dependent on what you can do with the title, I’m not familiar with liens and what they may or may not do to the status of a car’s title when all the dust settles.
Wow, Mark: You’ve really backed us up against a wall, to make the Mazer seem like the right choice.
However, I’m not going to take the bait.
I think the right answer is “Both”. I’ll put the sweet Italian V8 in the GT, add the 6sp, drop the LS in the quattroporte and keep the funky automatic flame alive with a Hurst shifter!
Bravo, Mark! Mission accomplished! These are absolutely vile! Since “light up the grill and throw a grand in it” isn’t an option, I’ll go with the cheaper of the two. I could at least try and part it out.
Well, at least the LS is easier to work on than the original transverse engine in a stock 3000GT LOL
Too bad the QP didn’t have a Hemi installed. They’re using the Pentatsar now, so why not offer the Hemi too?
I voted for the green Mitsubishi because it’s STILL cheaper to fix than the Maserati hahaha
Quattroporte has to win, if only because translated to Italian it automatically sounds mystical and exotic beyond earthly bounds. “Four Door Maserati” has to be one of the lamest names for a vehicle ever, but in Italian? Quattroporte.
Maserati. Pull the engine and turn it into a coffee table, then use the front and rear seats as lounge seats for a man cave or garage lounge space, then throw the rest of the thing to Ferr Parts for recycling. Maybe even use some of the bits for decoration like the grill or the wheels. At least there’s 2k in value for parts versus a trashed LS in a crusty Mitsubishi body for double the money.
You know what, I was going to say “there’s probably more to part out on the Maserati”, but I actually really like your idea of doing something fun with the interesting parts and trashing the rest. For this price, that’d be kind of a neat project.
The idea of an engine table has been in my mind since I was a teenager and pre-teen watching Top Gear news segments with the massive V12 table as the centerpiece. Now as an adult I have the means to make such a poor decision, but probably mercifully, no space for such a glorious setup.
This is the sanest answer.
Your answer is the better version of mine: The Maserati would make a really cool fort!
If that Maserati could ever work again…that one shot of the interior looks nice.
I’m not really a wrencher, but yeah…I would hope the cost to get that one on the road (by professionals) is an order of magnitude lower than the other.
Easy one today. However, if the 3000GT had its original powertrain, I would have been inclined to vote “both”.
$1,700.00 is honest-to-goodness ‘fuck it’ money – especially for an Italian luxury brand.
And not some warped ‘a $5,000.00 car is the new $2,000.00 car’ justification of a highish number, but really such a low price that there’s basically no financial risk involved.
Also at that time Maserati was using a switchblade VW style key – it probably won’t need a weird fob to just run.
It depends on the immobilizer, I had to have my 2003 VW reprogrammed because they don’t make replacement fobs anymore.
Quattroporte, please!
I would like to have it detailed inside and out just to see how nice it can look.
On eBay there are a lot of replacement key fobs ranging from $25-$85. Even if the dealership charges $400 to program one, you still wouldn’t be into the car for much money AND you would be able to see all the codes and warning lights it almost certainly would have.
The towing company has a lien, but IIRC there is a way to get a clean-ish title from one of those. There is something called a “mechanic’s lien” and I assume (heh) this would be similar.
As I learned from recent experience, some locales will brand the title if a mechanics lien (which is likely what the towing company used in this case) is used. The friend I was helping get the title for realized the ding to the value of the car with a branded title was less than the vehicle was worth parted out.
The trick here is to get the title issued in a less scrupulous locale. Title washing is a weird gray area. Is it unethical, probably, but also title rules are so variable it’s hard to say what really constitutes something being untruthful. If it doesn’t seem like the car was ever actually crashed or flooded, is it wrong for it to have a clean title even though it went through some weird ownership issues? It’s a bit different than avoiding a branded title for a 75% totaled car by transferring it to a state with a higher threshold.
No contest here. At first I was all about the 300GT, but that went out the window like the original drive train.
$1700 Maserati lawn art, why not. At least I can have a bumper sticker on my Kia daily driver that says “My other car is a Maserati”
really really need a neither this time!! omg what train wrecks!
I’m glad I read because I was 100% going for the 3000GT until I saw LS swap. I love me an LS swap but not in this instance. Maserati is half the price so Maserati it is and if I can’t get it working properly (which is highly likely) I’m parting it out.
I was selling Dodges when the Stealth/GT came out. It looked a hell of a lot faster meaner and sporty then. Now it looks like a Ford Taurus to me. Just doesn’t look like they used to.
Maserati I guess. At least it’ll look better sitting in my driveway when I realize that I’m in way over my head.
I guess Maserati, maybe parting it out will at least net out evenly. And interior pics at least – the Mitsu has lots of mechanical pics which is good but not a one of the interior? I thought of SWG’s Stealth immediately seeing the model and price, but that that was in one piece and did run, and bought for way less (albeit years ago, but there’s no inflation that balances that out).
I’m still going with the Stealth here! Old flames die hard.
That Maser sounds like potential financial ruin.
Thanks for reading (and remembering) my Stealth piece; means a lot!
Maserati.
It is not someone else project, it cost half of that 3000GT and if you can’t make it run, you can sell the body panels and interior for a good coin (it seems to be in a very good shape).
I would not dare to sell eletronics/engine/drivetrain, even as is. It would be like stealing someone’s money, scrap those and rest assured that you didn’t stole anyone.
Closest I’ve coming to refusing to vote. But I bet you can make money off scrapping the Maserati.
same-z-ys!
Screw it, Maserati.
Worst case scenario you have a Ferrari engine coffee table.
That front bumper would make a lovely wall hanging, especially if you rig it up so the headlights work.
This is a very hard call between “hell, no!” and “fuck, no!”.
Trulyif there was ever a time to relaunch Crack Pipe or Crack Pipe this is it.
It would be Meth Pipe nowadays, but I get your drift.
Yeah but I already transposed the nice price to an additional Crack Pipe so didn’t want to go to far from the original.
Wow, both are rough today. That 3000GT will likely never move under its own power again, and speaking from recent experience trying to help a friend get the title of a lien vehicle, the Maserati likely isn’t worth the effort. I think the other comments on parting out the Maserati are right on the money.
Maserati because stupido sounds way cooler than stupid (or baka).
I’d just buy the Maserati, pull then engine, and scrap the rest.
Motor alone is probably worth $1,700.
You can put it in the Mitsubishi!
You, my friend, are a veritable fountain of extremely bad ideas.
You can sit next to me!!
A bad idea that’ll at least sound good at some point… good idea!
This is what I come here for
Same, except I’d make the engine into a coffee table and part out the remains.
That’d also be a great idea!
That sounds like a plan and then replace it with an LS (not the one in the Mitsu).