The world, or at least modern civilization, has gotta end somehow. Zombie apocalypse? Maybe. Rogue virus? Sure, if by that you mean “even more rogue virus,” because Covid is still very much a thing. Global warming perhaps? Dear reader, we are soaking in it. But no matter how we get out butts kicked back a good 150 years or so, we’re still going to want to get around faster than a walking pace and get to our devastated destinations in a reasonable amount of time, and no one’s going to do it by bicycle. They should, but they won’t. And sorry, the Supercharger Network will be down. So unless you’ve got a Stanley steamer stashed away, you’re going to be burning some gas. But what are you gonna burn it in, ideally?
As we’re all aware, TV and movies have been chock full of ideas for post-apocalypse mobility ever since Mads Max I and II (or The Road Warrior, for US moviegoers) packed theaters in the 80s, and cash-ins from more dubious films such as Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn and Spacehunter: Adventures In The Forbidden Zone kept the vibe going, if less impressively (I do like Spacehunter‘s Scrambler though–there’s a Dodge Power Wagon under there!) Base-vehicle choices were all over the map, but all were robustly mechanical and could essentially run forever if you just kept replacing whatever wore out. If you want to tick all the boxes for apocalypse-proof transportation, I think you’d land on a Baja Bug, like the hotted-up Herbie above (incredibly, it’s a model, go look!). But good luck finding a legit old-school Beetle, Baja or otherwise, in 2023. Ditto any other all-steel, computer-free heaps you might conceivably get running after an EMP strike. Nope, you’re gonna have to figure out how to get yourself a set of reliable wheels from the pool of cars released in the last 30 years or so.
Maybe a Hyundai? The brand went in hard when The Walking Dead first hit the airwa … er, cables, as Rick and his family evaded walkers, rotters, and moaners in a Tucson. And honestly, you could do a lot worse in the immediate aftermath of a world-ending via zombies, but as the great undoing proceeds, one will want something more capable and rugged. And armed?
… which could still be a Hyundai, I suppose, with appropriate accoutrement. This one is a virtual model from the (now defunct) Walking Dead Chop Shop app that let you optimize Hyundais for dealing with the undead. But surely, we can come up with more interesting and thoughtful takes on reliable dailies for the end of days.
To the comments!
They made the multi-fuel M35 duece-and-a-halfs until the late 80s, right? I’d call that the last “30 years or so.” Having something that would run on used motor oil, heating oil, kerosene, diesel, etc. would go a long way. And you can carry a lot with you; if you can get one with the enclosed rear body, you can take home with you. I wouldn’t bother mounting weapons unless on a turret; you’ll never hit anything and ammo will be scarce. Maybe mount a wedge snow plow to the front, to clear obstacles.
Second choice, as mentioned some already, would be a toyota with a diesel, or something that could be converted to run on vegetable or similar oil. Third choice, the simplest electric car I can get, along with solar panels (and in a pinch, I figure you could use alternators from all the abandoned cars sitting around and build windmills to generate power. Not sure how feasible it would be, but with some time to kill without any social obligations, might as well try).
The zombies will fill up your social calendar pretty quickly. Their parties are to die for. (Sorry).
I’m hoping Mercedes can recommend a good diesel bus I can armor up. Load the roof up with solar panels… get an electric A/C system and roam the wasteland in comfort.
I currently have an old-school Beetle, a ’71 out in my garage. Belongs to my cousin, but possession is something-tenths of the law. Meanwhile, I’ve got a ’71 Cadillac and a ’66 Biscayne in garages a few blocks away.
The ’66 in particular would work great as I’ve driven it 6,000 miles in the last 3 years, it has a “stove-bolt” six-cylinder with a three-on-the-tree fed by a one-barrel, and I have a bunch of spare parts for it. Easy enough to convert to ethanol, and I have a few fruit trees on the property. Otherwise the trunk is big enough with the lid removed to mount up a functional wood-gasifier (I also have tons of fire wood sitting around). With 4-doors, I could start my ABC (Apocalypse Biscayne Charters) taxi service in short order.
Failing that, I’ll just go back to home-brewing and trade some beer to my neighbor in exchange for use of his late model 4×4 Flex-fuel Silverado whenever I need to go roam the wasteland for more ingredients. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a gun nut with a bunch of solar-panels set up. In fact, we could use those to charge up my 2012 Volt for short trips to Bartertown.
Bring it, Humungus!
Toyota Yaris. Simple, well-built, rugged, sold everywhere and gets a maximum amount of movement from a minimum amount of hard-to-find gasoline.
I had a ’91 GMC Suburban which would have been perfect. Go all A-Team on that shit and call it a day.
I think I would enjoy the apocalypse in the stylish analog junk that is a Fiat X1/9. Could mount a decently hefty weapons system on that roll bar and the frunk is pretty spacious. A luggage rack on the trunk wouldn’t be a bad call either. I have 4×98 wheels coming out my ears too.
Well if the rules are it must be made in the past 30 years, didn’t say anything about it actually being a fully-modern design.
That gives me two options:
– Lada Niva
– 70 Series Landcruiser (with the 1HZ inline-six diesel)
In the case of the Land Cruiser, essentially the landscape here would look unchanged.
Find a convenient source of bio-diesel and keep on keepin’ on
Don’t attempt to steal diesel off farms here and you might last a good while
Putting the 70 Series Landcruiser and the Niva in the same sentence as viable alternatives is like being given the choice to restart Humanity and repopulate Earth with either Alexandra Daddario or a random 80 and up pick from a geriatric ward.
One of Life’s greatest mysteries (besides why aren’t radiowaves slowed down by antennae like water is slowed down by obstacles) is how on Earth the Niva got a reputation of being reliable. I guess, at least in the US, Hotcars’ delusions have something to do with it, they keep pushing their insane clickbait on the subject.
It is not reliable. No Lada is. It is not robust either. It does break. All the time.
It was a very interesting concept in its times (Life’s third main mystery is how something so innovative was allowed to get to fruition in Soviet turdland – I guess nice flowers can grow on turds as well), it had a fair contribution to automotive history, but it was NOT reliable – it breaks all the time, and everything breaks. It can probably be rebuilt to a decent level of reliability from the ground up, but so can be any basic and rustic 4×4 vehicle.
A new Niva off the dealer’s floor is like a BMW n54 engine-equipped car with 250000 miles on it – you know that it’s a gem underneath all the stuff that has not broken yet, you know it can handle 500+ hp with basic mods (the n54, that is), you know it’s a legendary engine, but you still have to replace all the hoses and all the plastics that have cracked from the heat and all the hardened gaskets that pee oil on that serpentine belt which can only get ingested in the engine when it jumps.
Except the Niva doesn’t bring you to nirvana when it actually works (which the n54 does).
And this is just the design, not even the quality control issues (those are a lore of their own).
As for being easy to fix – how easy or hard a car is to fix doesn’t matter when it breaks in a crowd of zombies and you have to get out to do that easy fix 🙂 Replacing broken suspension elements is never an easy fix. It can be straightforward, it can be uncomplicated, but it’s not easy.
The only reason it was deemed “simple” to maintain and fix is that everybody who owned one had to learn to do it, and in the Eastern block mechanics knew it by heart. Easier to know how to wrench on three models than on three hundred.
Former Australian Niva owner here… they were actually quite reliable in terms of the drivetrain. The only things that broke on mine that wasn’t due to me was the driver’s seat track and the window winder cables. I broke all the shock mounts after installing OME shocks. Engine was no drama. Rust was a drama. I’d happily drive one throughout the Apocalypse.
I’m with you on that one. My feelings towards Ladas are shaped by the fact that we consumed them raw, as they came from the factory.
In most Western markets they would first go through secondary quality control process by the importers (France had a dedidicated small factory in Haguenau for this), and at least some of the things we were seeing never made it to clients there at all. Ignition modules and the like, for example.
Not sure if Australia had such a thing. I suspect you would have.
“One of Life’s greatest mysteries (besides why aren’t radiowaves slowed down by antennae like water is slowed down by obstacles) is how on Earth German cars got a reputation of being reliable.”
FIFY
Well that’s easy: Pre 96 diesel with a mechanical fuel pump. As far as modifications are concerned it would be as much water and fuel storage as possible.
That being said the thing they never touch on in these post apocalyptic films is tires. in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and Fury Road they would have ran out of tires long before they ran out of fuel from old age at the minimum.
Whatever I would pick it would need to be easily-ish to modify to be able to be a railroad speeder.
Rail car is massive brain
First of all, who says you can’t find a computerless fixable old iron hunk in 2023? Have you never tried? There’s tons of them stashed on assorted farms and behind houses and in hoarder fields and junkyards still. Just slap some fresh tires from a modern car with the same bolt pattern on that thing and wrench until it runs.
Heck I already have a computerless fixable old iron hunk, so if apocalypse happens I’ll probably work with that.
That said, there are a number of modern vehicles that are built like computerless old iron hunks. Reproductions, for example. Or a Morgan or Caterham (preferably with an armored rollcage), I imagine a Caterham in particular would be pretty straightforward to turn into an armored off-road buggy. You can even build a Lotus 7 (aka Caterham) replica frame out of tubing with some schematics and a welder, so if you’re handy enough you can just keep rebuilding your custom Lotus Buggy as it breaks, with whatever engines you can find that fit – it’s a versatile enough platform to accommodate several options!
Another modern vehicle built like an old iron hunk I’d happily choose is a Grenadier, though I’d try to get a Cummins in that thing ASAP because nobody wants BMW reliability in the apocalypse.
Alternately, you could go for the reverse psychology strategy and build a BMW for the apocalypse on the assumption that nobody else in their right mind will, so you’ll have all the BMW parts to yourself. And maybe nobody will bother you because why would they want a BMW? I’d still secretly engine swap it though in addition to butchering it to fit larger off-road tires.
Perhaps a Vanderhall 3-wheeler could be an interesting choice? With only 3 wheels, that’s less maintenance to perform and less tires to scavenge, less tires to get stuck. Still needs an armored rollcage of course.
I’ll have to think about this more later, because there’s lots of potential strategies…
Yeah there are dentside Fords and squarebodies all over the place in Idaho. Fully mechanical cars are not hard to find
Now this is the torchtopian I’ve been waiting for
I’m going to go with a ’93 Geo Prizm. ‘Round here there’s still a ton of them on the road. In my mind they are the unkillable cockroach of automobiles. Slaps some studded snow tires on it along with some makeshift armor and I am ready for the wasteland in the most reliable of gas sipping steeds. (Yes I am aware it’s really a Corolla, but I went Prizm because this is the Autopian, where quirky cars rule).
I’m going to hijack one of the secret, nuclear-powered subway trains built by the Illuminati that run through deep tunnels throughout the world with stops at covert paradise islands. At least until they finish the moonbase, then I’m outta here.
Easy, a KLR 650. That’s all I need.
There’s even diesel versions made for the military if you can find one.
Car? Nah, my plan is to not die.
2 KLRs side-by-side?
I guess I could modify it with a sidecar if that pleases the comment police. Would be nice to bring my dogs along I guess, for sanity.
People that think there are rules are gonna be the first to go in the post apocalyptic world.
There are no rules.
So I’m heading out to do my pillaging and foraging on an M1030-M1.
“Would be nice to bring my dogs along I guess, for sanity.
People that think there are rules are gonna be the first to go in the post apocalyptic world.
There are no rules”
2024 here we come!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Boy_and_His_Dog_(1975_film)
Easy there. Disregarding rules doesn’t necessitate getting rapey.
Morals and laws are distinctly different.
Gross man, just gross.
I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while now, and I came up with a 2021 GMC Yukon Duramax. Nothing quite like a 22-mpg-combined land yacht that even has profiles for your trailers so you can keep track of how many miles you put on them.
Although, knowing diesel, it’ll still find some way to not be cheap during an apocalypse.
A K-truck – my choice would be a Mitsubishi minicab. Good gas mileage, decent load capacity, very simple to repair, easy to load & unload, modern build quality, easy on its tires, great off road thanks to 4×4 with low range, and small enough to maneuver through a rubble strewn wasteland.
Utility truck with the railroad track gear (so it can drive on train tracks). Overland that thing. Tow solar panels behind it.
Good idea. That being said how long until your tires wear out? I think building one to be a dedicated railroad speeder is the way to go.
Your gonna need tires otherwise this plan becomes useless the second you come up on an abandoned locomotive, or a section of un-maintained (damaged/washed out) track.
Without the ability to drive around such things said dedicated railroad speeder becomes pointless.
I guess you could always throw it in reverse and head back to point A where you started. But then why did you leave there in the first place?
So… gas burned, nothing accomplished.
These have tires on them. They can go on-road and on-track. But, yes, your point of a broken down train needs to be accounted for.
Your idea is genius.
I think about this nonsense all the time (cause it’s fun) and I’ve never thought of that. What a great way to go far distances with minimal problems like road blocks and congested highways. My criticism was directed at a different commenter’s criticism not at your idea.
With a likeminded group of survivors and a little engine-uity we could set up a base of operations using a railroad junction as a safe zone.
Derelict trains could actually come in handy as somewhat of a gate, keeping undesirables out, given proper siding rails to park them on or move them when we need to get through.
I mean, if we are going back a few hundred years..
If you can control the railroad junctions you control the supply chain.
In a post apocalyptic world this would probably be a good approach to survival.
Safety in the middle of nowhere (just block the tracks at every junction leading to ours within a hundred miles) and the ability to roam and forage in what were once densely populated spots on a map. Which all tracks lead to.
It’s a really brilliant idea.
It starts with a few friends and a few utility trucks.
It ends with the reintroduction of the steam engine and the rebuilding of society as we once knew it.
Or you could just go full warlord with it I guess, but that seems rude.
My bug out plans have just changed. This is a good approach to this imaginary problem.
“My bug out plans have just changed. This is a good approach to this imaginary problem.”
I think if there’s any way to make it happen a cruse ship is the way to go. Head out past the horizon till the chaos dies down, till then enjoy the endless shrimp buffet.
Stuck on a cruise ship eating endless shrimp.
No thanks, I’ll take my chances fighting whatever land goblins exist in eastern Oregon.
Look at a light pollution map of the US, head toward the darkest place.
Maupin looks like a good place to set up a base camp.
Beat me to it. Hi-Rail is the way to go, riding in them is a trip.
It’s the apocalypse.
Who’s going to stop me from appropriating it?
Excellent choice.
I’ll join you with this:
https://64.media.tumblr.com/321737d231594bb46dcae590abd44ceb/tumblr_ouw28cwo6K1wyr2n4o1_1280.jpg
Its a John Deere though so repairability MIGHT be an issue.
Another advantage of the bug is that no radiator so if you need to ram something you’re not stranded a mile later with an overheating engine.
In that aspect I think anything without a low mounted delicate radiator up front… so maybe an EV, or maybe an old bug or old 911.
There are some DIY Autopians would could dream this up better than me, but go with electric and make a solar farm at your base. Gas goes off, and who is running the refineries? Barter Town had a good idea with biofuel, but converting even a hydrogen vehicle to run on natural gas is way beyond my engineering. The battery would probably outlast me, so find an EV with decent clearance. Maybe a Hyundai isn’t the worst?
If we’re sticking with gas/diesel, go old school. Anything you can Frankenstein together and repair easily, so probably something Ford. Less computer the better if we’re fighting Skynet, so maybe learn to tune carburetors.
“Barter Town had a good idea with biofuel, but converting even a hydrogen vehicle to run on natural gas is way beyond my engineering.”
I don’t think you would be able to run a HFC on pig gas methane, the sulfur impurities would quickly poison the catalyst.
You CAN run a regular ICE on pig gas without too much modification though. Something like say the last of the V8 interceptors.
In this case, “Toyota Hilux” is always the right answer.
My Hilux has an electrical gremlin that makes the engine and all the electronics shut off for 2-5 seconds when I turn on the blinker under high electrical load and 2 different mechanics couldn’t figure out what is causing it. I definitely wouldn’t pick my Hilux.
When are you using your blinkers in an apocalypse?
The point being that the name Hilux isn’t enough. A Hilux diesel would probably be a solid choice though.
Sounds like a bad/corroded ground.
That’s what every mechanic thinks, then they check the grounds and find that they’re all good and tell me so…
They’re all kerfuffled as to what is causing it.
Definitely diesel. You’re not going to get any of that fancy-ass gasoline out here in the wilds!
If it has to be a consumer vehicle, I’m taking a Ram 2500 4×4 Power Wagon with the Cummins Turbodiesel. Something 2009 or earlier, so I don’t have to worry about the lack of DEF confusing the emissions system before I have time to remove that.
Alternately, I’d find a sleeper cab Kenworth T660 or similar. They endure crazy levels of abuse, last for miles and miles, and are actually pretty easy to fix as long as you have big enough tools. Mount a dumpster box on the back and you have the best zombie apocalypse SUV you’ll ever find. Best part is that they get nearly as good mileage as the above-mentioned Ram 2500…
If it can’t be a truck of any sort, I’m thinking Mercedes M-Class diesel or a VW Jetta Sportwagen TDI. Chevy Cobalt diesel if I can’t find one of the others fast enough. A good friend still has a Cobalt diesel with 400,000 miles and no major issues.
Don’t you mean Cruze diesel? I wasn’t aware a Cobalt diesel existed, so I looked it up, and couldn’t find anything. A Cobalt SS with a tuned LH7 would be really interesting though… You could probably get 200 horses and keep it reliable.
Now that you mention it, I’m sure it’s an early model Chevy Cruze. He puts between 60,000 and 100,000 miles a year on it.
“…you’re gonna have to figure out how to get yourself a set of reliable wheels from the pool of cars released in the last 30 years or so.”
Fair enough. I suppose a post-apocalyptic hellscape is as good a place as any for trying a different approach to car shopping.
Well for road travel you have to go military. Tough and runs on any fuel. To be comfy i say a mobil military command post size will vary. But for me a big ass yacht or small navy ship, fibd an island with topless natives and stock with bird, goat, boar etc. I aint coming back even if the zombies are defeated.
Best time for a Ginger or Marianne poll.
Both is always the answer here.
Concurrently, I assume?
Sounds like a nightmare.
Whenever I see the word “spacehunter”, my brain says “sphincter”.
I’m set. The only real debate I have is to take the 80 series or the GX470. 80 series is more analog and setup for remote living better, but it burns more fuel and is probably less reliable than the GX470 owing to age. It’s the 80 series though, I can toss a couple of boxes in the back and bug out pretty quick.