The David-doesn’t-know-pop-culture well is one we go to quite often around here, mostly because it’s a deep well full of cool delicious spring water, and then below that is an even deeper well of pure gold. For some reason, the combination of David’s Catholic upbringing, his 900 brothers, his German mom, and growing up on an Army base watching base TV, means that he’s only randomly seen television shows or movies and misses a ton of references.
Today, however, we may have the best one. Not only did David make a big unforced error, he did it publicly, and he did it in the best way possible. I wish I was making this up only because I wish I was creative enough to make it up.
And, finally, to just really prove I didn’t make it up you can help us figure out what movie David thinks Ronin is.
Ok, let’s start with David’s COTD (Comment Of The Day) nomination for a comment on this post about Hannah Montana and the Fiat Panda Montaña.
This is a pretty normal thing to happen, so thankfully Jason took a minute to look at the question:
If you know who Alexis Texas is, you don’t need me to explain it. If you don’t know, I would not recommend googling it. Needless to say, this is a great COTD nomination. There are a lot of layers here.
First, Hannah Montana was the show’s eponymous pop star played by Miley Cyrus in a Disney TV show, but in the TV show Hannah Montana is actually a high school girl named Miley Stewart and no one knows she’s secretly a big celebrity. Predictable hijinks ensue.
And speaking of predictable hijinks:
LOLOLOLOL. Alexis Texas, if you don’t know, is a pornographic actress who started making adult films around 2006 according to her Wikipedia page. I don’t think you need to be a big fan of adult films to have at least a passing awareness of certain people who are just sort of in the zeitgeist (Jenna James, Mia Khalifa, and I would argue Alexis Texas). David isn’t in the zeitgeist so he can be forgiven for not knowing.
We all enjoyed David’s lack of awareness:
This joke also works well because of the Lexus Texas, a car that sounds like A Lexus Texas. Get it? I made this joke subtly in a TMD and David didn’t seem to notice. We also made another subtle one and, of course, commenters definitely have made some jokes that David didn’t get.
The JUGGS thing is also pretty great.
You would think this would be the end of the day. It was not. I planned to write about Ronin and I was curious if David had seen that movie. Somewhat surprisingly, he had!
Wait, wait? That is extremely not the movie Ronin.
Oh David…
I have two theories on what movie David is thinking of, but I’m very much not sure and I’d love to hear your guesses.
Idea #1 is that David knows who Robert DeNiro is and is maybe thinking of the movie Heat, which is also a sort of heist movie and, while it doesn’t have a lot of Malaise iron, it does have ’90s Lincolns and Camaros and such:
I can’t construct a situation in which David would have ever seen Midnight Run, but maybe?
My second theory is that David doesn’t actually know who Robert DeNiro is and has mistaken DeNiro for Gene Hackman in The French Connection. Maybe? That movie is dark and is full of Malaise cars. It’s also a car chase film, so someone might have recommended it to him.
Your guess is as good as mine!
Must admit that I too thought Alexis Texas was from the Hannah Montana show. Checked Ms. Texas on Google, and might save the links so, ah, I could avoid clicking on them in the future.
That being said, thanks for clarifying some of the puns, they don’t always land the first time for me, since I’m not a native speaker 🙂
It’s not Ronin, it’s Running Scared. It’s not DiNiro, it’s Billy Crystal. And Gregory Hines. And a malaise era car chase in Chicago…with a nun…and a priest. And Jimmy Smits. And the El tracks. Watch here https://youtu.be/a1Sr3GwdtRs?si=ByO8l_Ne4D-zPZWa (no Alexis Texas or Rickroll, I promise!)
I mean, why do I wanna watch it if that’s the case?
Or David is thinking Taxi Driver, a 1976 movie where a messed up Travis Bickell played by Deniro drives a Taxi around NYC developes an infatuation with a 14 year old prostitute played by Jodie Foster and plans to win her love by shooting the president.
I have to admit that I learned a lot in today’s Tales from the Slack.
Oh Disney… What have you become?
Once just the harbinger of playful animated stories where all the parental figures die leaving the hero of the story to fend for themselves against a constant onslaught of stereotypically dark skinned villains. Now a ….
Never mind. You do you Disney.
Hanna Montana…
I’m sure Lexus Texas is in the works at their studios, so long as the bean counters think it will make money.
Yup, Disney porn is right around the corner. Should we choose to live long enough to see it.
Hold it isn’t Miley Cyress the adult portion actress alter ego of Hannah Montana?
You’re betting on the Lexus Texas ?
I call with the Mitsubishi Pajero and raise with the Isuzu Big Horn. For those not familiar with Spanish, Pajero basically means self-gratification.
That’s why they called it Montero in Americas.
This thread reminds me of my developmental psychology class in college when we were learning about sexuality. At one point our professor, who was definitely a babe, turned to the entire lecture hall and asked everyone who’d masturbated before to raise their hand. Some giggling ensued, some people raised their hands rather enthusiastically, but a good 3/4s of the room sat silent.
She then laughed and said that statistically speaking nearly the entire room likely had and that lots of folks were too bashful to acknowledge it in a public forum like that, which led to further discussion. Anyway, I feel like her reading through this thread.
Suuuuuuuuure, commentariat! Almost none of you have any idea who Alexis Texas is. Right. Totally!
Jenna Jameson, Chasey Laine (thanks to that one Bloodhound Gang song), I would have gotten right away. I did not recognize Alexis Texas at first read. But if you asked me to really think about the type of profession that obvious stage name might have, I think I would have got there.
I know me some Porn, never heard of Alexis Texas. Given amount of points and points actresses I can only assume most who know Alexus Texas actually read the articles.
I’m no prude, but Lexus Texas does not drive in the same lane (hell, the same carriageway) of Pornography Boulevard as I. I don’t think David has that excuse, though.
Come on guys this is just further evidence David Tracy is using a rather limited chatbot to get himself time off.
I read David Tracy is using a rather limited chat box to get himself off.
He’s typing one handed now?
Or perhaps being creative in his digit for typing? Go to sleep with that as your last thought. LOL
He has no need for such tawdriness. HE HAS A FRIEND NOW!
Well I am not privy to or making assumptions of Dave’s wonderful new companion.
I always get Ronin and HEAT mixed up.
I DIDN’T MAKE THIS UP.
Hannah Montana was originally going to be Alexis Texas.
https://www.cbr.com/hannah-montana-originally-called-alexis-texas/
Now gimme my COTD. ????
Robbed!
Well thanks for the nomination anyway. I’ll always cherish it, along with my malaise era Audi S8.
I love how your source ends with calling this story bogus!
I have also never heard of Alexis Texas
though I have seen Ronin, many many times. I had a huge crush on Natascha McElhone, not to mention a man-crush on Jean Reno
Completely separately from all these shenanigans (I too had never heard of Ms. Texas) since you briefly mentioned it, Midnight Run is my favorite movie of all time. If you’ve not seen it I highly recommend. It’s very nearly perfect.
Huh. I am…. uh, the target demographic for Alexis Texas, and am familiar with the other stars you mentioned, but this is the first I’ve heard of her. Apparently I’ve been missing this reference the whole time too.
The French Connection cannot be full of Malaise Era cars because it was filmed before the Malaise Era. I know there’s not a set definition for that, but according to Murilee Martin who coined the term, it started in 1975, whereas the Malaise Motors group starts at 1972. Either way, both are after 1971 when The French Connection was filmed.
I blame everyone who made this joke about the Lexus TX. I didn’t know until then, haha.
Also, how did Lexus themselves not Google that?! It’s right there. Companies either need someone so old-internet that nothing with SafeSearch off can even phase them or someone who’s just horniness incarnate to run potential model names by beforehand.
{ clicks to see Matt’s other references }
“A Lexus TX Is Coming”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA oh my gosh
I have never heard of Alexis Texas.
wasn’t she an exhaust port enthusiast?
I think your French Connection theory is probably correct. I have a possible alternative though. In the movie The Score, which is a heist movie, DeNiro drives a malaise era Chrysler a bit. Although it is set in Montreal, and there are no car chases.
Ah DT. The gift that keeps on giving.
As for DeNero movies, how about Taxi Driver? Or Goodfellas?
Taxi Driver is De Niro’s best film, IMHO and one of the best films ever.
One of the best ever is a strong statement, but I agree it’s a damn fine film.
Is DeNero the Romulan who blows up Vulcan and gave us the Kelvin timeline?
I don’t remember that from Goodfellas, so maybe it was in The Intern?
He’s de guy who allegedly fiddled while Rome burned.
My thought was he’s mixing Taxi Driver, and Ronin.
I’m going to vote for Seven and Ronin. What’s in the Box? What’s in the case? It’s either a light bulb or Marcellus soul. Maybe a new battery for the Leaf.
I think he conflated French Connection with Ronin. Seen them both a bunch of times. And it is French Connection and Ronin was in Fance.
First off, I am a bit saddened to learn a simple reference to an adult entertainer got a COTD scrubbed. I know you are trying to be inclusive and female-friendly around here, but I thought modern feminism included acknowledging adult entertainers as independent women allowed to use their bodies as they choose, without judgement?
As for “Ronin”, “French Connection” was my first thought, but did “Serpico” have any car chases? That was a 70s movie with Pacino that took place in New York. I can’t see even David confusing 90s LA in “Heat” with malaise era NYC, especially since he lives there now.
I still voted for it to be COTD! I think David just didn’t get the joke and didn’t want to pretend like he got the joke (and is deeply uncomfortable with people thinking he got the joke).
^. I thought it was funnier when I thought that was actually Hannah Montana’s alter ego. As it sits, I don’t really find it funny.
Also, maybe it WAS Serpico!
“I thought modern feminism included acknowledging adult entertainers as independent women allowed to use their bodies as they choose, without judgement”
Dude this is a fairy tale take on the industry. It’s tied up with human trafficking, addiction, and consent is questionable. For every empowered free-thinking sex worker you have a bajillion women suffering from abuse.
The anti-slut-shaming is towards the performers, not the industry. No doubt human trafficking is a serious problem.
But I think Ms. Texas is performing willingly and, at 38 yrs old, has a higher net worth (est. $4M) than me at 57 with 35 yrs in high tech.
Fair enough. I’m on a hair trigger with this shit. As a father of teenage girls, porn ain’t what it used to be.
Father of a 17 yo daughter here. I understand. I’m ready to go Liam Neeson on anyone who messes with her.
Don’t sweat it, DT. All my Lexus’ live in Texas.
So THAT’s what happened. 😮
I saw the COTD comment and then the retraction/edit and didn’t understand what was happening, thinking maybe DT didn’t want to exert undue editorial influence on the COTD process.
FWIW I had no idea who Ms. Texas was/is, either, but Lexus (collectively) appears to be an even bigger dope than I am in this regard.
Yeah, I removed it when I realize I’d misunderstood it!
At least neither of us named a new flagship vehicle after her 🙂
I think he was thinking of Donnie Brasco, but that was Al Pacino and Johnny Depp.
There are no car chases in DB, though, fuhgeddaboutit.
I’m thinking he put together every type of mob movie in his head and made some amalgam. Like when everyone thought Shazam starring Sinbad was a thing.